CIA: The Angels Nobody Talks About
by Tribble Master
Summary: Season four from an angelic perspective, of sorts. With a group of idiotic, inept angels under Castiel's command. Starting with Dean's rescue from Hades. Rated T for taco
1. Idiosyncrasies

CIA was given to me by** enviousxbeauty,** she gave me the term and told me to run with it. She also is my Rouge Beta of Awesome.

To anyone who read WINchester F.A.Q.: This is set pre-Chuck. But I'm sure Archie will find a way to him sooner or later.

**Castiel's Inept Angels, C.I.A.: The Angels Nobody Talks About **

**Chapter One: **Idiosyncrasies

"Get the fuck up you lazy bastards!" Castiel yelled storming through the garrison. "Rise and shine!"

"Eep!" Eliza shriek jumping up in bed.

She looked around at the five other bunks in the garrison her fellow warriors shared. Everyone was slowly waking up.

"Geeze, Cas, relax!" Archie moaned throwing a pillow at Castiel.

Castiel looked at all of their bunks. "Get. Up. Now. Or you'll be running laps for an hour!"

Immediately Eliza, Josh, Aretha, Archie, Charlie and Eric jumped out of bed to stand in front of a very grumpy Castiel. He glared at them. "Archie," he grumbled, "why is there sharpie on your right wing?"

Josh coughed loudly to hide his laugh. Eliza glared at him. Archie looked at his fellow teammates, then back to Castiel. "Erm, it's an accident."

Castiel threw his hands in the air. "You guys had a party again last night, didn't you?"

Charlie giggled. Her short brown hair was unkempt after the drinking binge last night. Aretha elbowed her into silence.

Castiel looked them over. Eliza's red hair was pulled back, and her freckles stood out against her pale skin. She wore a barely concealed grin. Josh slumped as he stood; his shaggy blonde hair was falling into his eyes. Aretha's curly dark locks fell over her shoulders at odd angles as she glared at her bunkmates with red rimmed eyes. Eric looked the most awake out of all of them, and he even managed to stand properly at attention.

Archie, Castiel noticed, wasn't even wearing standard khakis and green shirt. He was wearing ripped jeans and a black tee. Castiel sighed. "Do you chuckle heads even know why I'm here?"

Charlie brushed her bangs away from her green eyes. "Um, because you wanted to join the party?"

Everyone glared at her. "I meant metaphorically." She corrected.

Archie massaged his temple, trying to push back his massive hangover.

"No," Castiel corrected, "Because you guys are the joke of all the angels!"

Aretha bowed her head in shame. Josh frowned slightly. "Look." Castiel stared at them. "I'm here to make sure you guys know at least the basics of Heaven's Warriors before you go out and do something completely retarded."

Eric raised one eyebrow. "That's kind of harsh, man."

Castiel stared him straight in the eye. "Kind of harsh? You mean the way you KINDA DROPPED THE TEST SAMPLE OF SWINE FLU ON MEXICO?"

Josh held up his hand to high five Eric. "That was pretty cool…"

"Now is not the time, Josh." Eric muttered under his breath.

Eliza pouted. "C'mon, Cas, give us a break, chill."

"I'm sorry, Eliza." Casitel said with cold steel in his voice. "I thought you got enough of a break when you spent the last century hiding out in Antarctica 'just chilling?' You melted the fucking glacier!"

A moment of silence fell on the group. Castiel pointed to the door. "I don't need to tell you what failures you are. Go out that door, run laps for five minuets and meet me on the field."

As they filed out shuffling their feet, Castiel held Archie back. "And you," he hissed, "they already warned me about you. That bubonic plague shit doesn't work here, so you better shape up Archie. You may have lifted prohibition in America, but I will not tolerate you drinking habits in my Garrison. Understand?"

Archie grumbled yes.

"Good. Now change, and run 20 laps."

"Dick." Archie muttered under his breath as he slowly, savoring each exercise free moment, took off last night's outfit.

"Hurry up Archie!" Castiel called. "Or everyone's running more laps and it's on you!"

o-o-o-o-o

Thirty minutes of laps later, the inept angels stood in the training field sweating and glaring at Archie. He stuffed his fists into his pants pockets and averted their gaze. "After today," Castiel said pacing in front of them, "I expect you guys to uphold some sort of hygiene policy. Shine your halos, and wash your wings once in awhile."

Josh took his halo off. He spit on it once or twice and used the corner of his shirt to polish it. He readjusted it on his head with a crooked grin. "Much better," Eliza said sarcastically.

Charlie smiled idiotically as she gazed appreciatively at Castiel. "Okay." She said to no one in particular.

"You are such a suck up." Eric said rolling his eyes.

"And further more," Castiel continued ignoring their whispers, "we are ANGELS of the LORD. So tomorrow, I expect you all to have washed you wings."

"With what?" Archie called out. Aretha looked at her sharpie signature on his wing. She had been hoping that it wouldn't fade.

"Bubble bath." Castiel said simply.

"Oh." Charlie half sighed.

"Now, recently I've been getting some disturbing reports from our below. Apparently some humans are reporting being 'touched by an angel.' I think we need to cover what's appropriate and what's not."

"Like this?" Archie asked as he smacked Aretha's ass.

Aretha cuffed his shoulder. She shrieked, "I told you that was one time!'

"Archie, thank you for volunteering. Step forward." Castiel said beckoning Archie forward.

Archie walked forward. Josh smiled, "Dude! You so deserved that."

Archie glared at him as he stepped forward. "Okay, for clarification, this is where it's okay to touch people." Castiel announced.

He pressed his palm into Archie's shoulder, and then gently touched Archie's upper back. "Clear?"

The group nodded.

"Am I done yet?" Archie whined, swatting away Castiel's hand.

Eliza and Aretha looked at each other and started giggling. "Alright we got that awkwardness out of the way." Castiel looked around. "Anyone have any announcements before we go on?"

Josh's blonde bangs had fallen into his face again. He looked up with a serious expression. "Yeah…um, I just wanted to say… Rachel's still in the Medical Tent, but like, the doc says she'll be out any day now…seriously."

Castiel folded his arms over his chest. "Thank you Josh for the update. What can we learn from this?"

Charlie had her hand raised before he finished speaking. "Oh! Oh! Don't drink and fly!"

Eric yelled out. "Always wear safety goggles?"

Castiel held up his hand. "Okay, okay, while those are all perfectly excellent ideas, I was referring to something specific. Do not fly near jet planes."

There was a collective, "Ooooh."

"Now," Castiel clapped his hands. "Our first activity for the day is going to be learning proper battle techniques."

Castiel reached into the large trunk he had brought with himself and drew out three quivers, and bows with arrows as well as three shields. He explained patiently, "I cannot trust you dunder heads with _actual _arrows, so we will be practicing with Cupid's."

Josh bobbed his head in agreement. "Sweeeet."

Castiel handed out arrows to Eliza, Eric, and Charlie. Josh, Archie, and Aretha were handed shields with large targets painted on them. They all looked at each other mischievously.

"Okay," Castiel said, holding up his own bow, "here's how to aim…"

He took a perpendicular stance. Using his draw-arm he pulled the string tight and aimed the bow with his other hand lining up his sight of vision. When he let the arrow fly it landed squarely in the center of Josh's shield. "Whoa." Josh said in a very mellow tone.

"Wait, wait, show us again?" Eliza pleaded holding her bow out.

Eric was holding his bow upside down looking at him perplexed.

"Okay class, follow me exactly this time."

This time, Eliza, Eric, and Charlie copied his motions and let arrows fly.

Castiel had to move quickly to doge the arrows flying at his head.

Aretha threw her shield down and held her arms over her face. Eliza's arrow landed right between the grass at her feet. Archie held up his shield half-heartedly. Eric's arrow missed the shield completely and hit Archie squarely in the ass. Archie yelped. After a moment, a look of bliss over came him and he glanced and at Charlie. "Hey baby," he slurred, "wotcha doing later?"

Charlie huffed. She'd been aiming for Castiel. "Well," she said half-heartedly, "I guess not much."

Castiel clapped his hands together bringing everyone to attention. "Archie- Stop. Cupid gave me his practice bows and arrows, you dog."

Archie smiled unapologetically at Charlie. She batted her green eyes at him and winked. Then she reached over to him and yanked out the arrow. He hissed, "Damn girl! Watch it!"

"Okay, guys trade off this time. And try and aim for the shield?"

Archie took the bow and grumbled as he raised it up. "Sure, sure, aim…."

Eric held up the shield. "Hey man…sorry about…"

_THWAP_

Eric yelped at the sudden onslaught from Archie. Archie winked at him and jokingly blew smoke off his bow. Eric pulled the arrow out of the shield's outer rings. "That was almost my leg!"

"Well at least it wasn't your ass!" Archie shot back. Eric held up his shield hurriedly.

Josh looked dumbfounded at the bow and arrow contraption for a minute. He tenderly picked it up and aimed. When he let his arrow fly it landed in the exact middle of Eliza's shield.

Castiel nodded, somewhat happy to see that someone was getting it. "You're the saddest bunch I ever met but you can bet before we're through Mister, I'll make a man out of you."

The girls protested loudly. "Okay, okay, I'll just make you warriors okay?"

"Eh," Aretha shrugged, "it'll do."

"Alright, guys bring the arrows back. We'll try that again later."

Charlie stopped swinging her arrows around like swords. She pouted before handing it back. Castiel set the magic bows, and less magical arrows into his trunk and beckoned for everyone to step forward.

"Clearly, we have to start with something simpler. Who knows how to make a miracle?"

Archie raised his hand, jumping up and down in his excitement.

"Charlie." Castiel pointed to her. "Do you know?"

"Pick me! Pick me!" Archie whined.

"Um," Charlie fidgeted. "You-"

"You turn water into beer!" Archie yelled.

Castiel glared at him. "Archie, that's not a miracle, that's an addiction and it's time for you to quit."

Archie blushed. "I can quit any time I want!"

Eliza patted his shoulder. "It's cool man, chill."

"Um, a miracle?" Charlie piped up. "Isn't when you make a puppy every time somebody…"

"No." Castiel said firmly ending her sentence. "But you're right; a miracle is dependant on several important factors. Can anyone name them?"

Eric's hand shot into the air. At Castiel's nod he recited, like a text book, the answer; "It depends on if the emergency it cute, serious, or tragic."

"And which one do you need God's permission for?" Castiel prompted.

"Tragic?" Eliza offered.

"Exactly," Castiel nodded, "only Bobby…"

"Did you mean God?" Josh asked.

Castiel looked at him. "That's what I said. Only He can raise the dead."

Eric crossed his arms over his chest. "But if it's rescuing a puppy from a fire or a kid from a well?"

Castiel nodded. "Exactly, that other stuff is up to us, and it's a very ancient responsibility that needs to be taken seriously."

Josh leaned forward. "Whoa man, that's some heavy shit."

Archie looked at Josh and hissed, "Are you high?"

Josh's wing fluttered and he smiled.

Aretha glared at them. "Quiet guys!"

"So," Charlie said with bated breath, "how do it?"

"Alright, are you guys paying attention?"

They all nodded.

"This is our highest secret. You may not tell anyone!"

Aretha brushed her dark hair from face. "Well of course."

Castiel glared at her. "You especially, Aretha. Last time somebody told you where the Garrison keeps the beer you told a Cross Roads Demon."

Aretha protested. "She said she could give me wings!"

Eliza tapped on her shoulder. "You HAVE wings! Damnit Aretha, didn't I tell you? You gotta trade for gummy bears next time."

Aretha nodded. "Yeah, gummy bears are the shit."

Castiel cleared his throat loudly. "I cannot believe I even have to tell you this. Let me repeat: DO NOT TRUST Cross Roads Demons!"

Archie laughed at the girls. "Okay," Castiel tried again, "How to perform a miracle."

"Everyone hold your hand like this." Castiel held out his hand at a slight 25 degree angle, elbow bent, and with his palm curved just so. He had to adjust some people's hand motions. When he was sure everyone was set he took out six top hats and set one in front of each of his charges.

"Now, focus on your goal." Castiel pointed to the top hat. "Today, you must try to make a rabbit appear out of that hat."

Eric furrowed his brow in grim determination.

Castiel crossed his fingers. "And repeat after me:…"

"After me."

"Shut up, Archie. Let me finish."

"Shut up, Archie. Let me finish." Josh solemnly echoed.

Eliza kicked him. Castiel glared at them until they stopped fidgeting.

"Bippety…"

"Bippety!" Six voices echoed.

"Boppity!"

"Boppity!" Six voices yelled, getting excited.

"BOO!" Castiel said with power.

"BOOOOOO!" The six angels yelled, their eyes suddenly flashing with power.

The Inter-Garrison Messenger, who had just run in to the practice nearly fainted in shock. Josh's miscalculation and sudden change in his attention span inadvertently led to the Messenger's tragic transformation into a taco.

Three bunnies hopped out of half the top hats. One of which was pink. Eliza picked up her bunny. "Oh! It's so adorable!"

Archie picked up his hat angrily. He shook it, yelling, "Damnit bunny! Get out here!"

A bored moth flew out his hat. Eric held up his bunny proudly, he stuck his tongue out at Archie. Charlie frowned to see a small beagle puppy crawl out of her top hat whimpering.

Josh picked the taco up, and was about to eat it when Castiel took it from him. "Hey man… I wanted a tac-oh."

"Josh, you can't eat the Messenger. It'll taste like crap." Castiel set the taco down on the ground. He pointed at it and mumbled, "Bippety, boppity, boo."

The taco transformed into a dazed Messenger. "Uh, whoa. Are you Castiel?"

Archie waved his wand. "Why yes I am."

Castiel shook his head. "Don't listen to Archie. I am Castiel."

The messenger looked at the two of them back and forth. Castiel tapped his shoulder. "Look, here's my dog tag."

Castiel waved it in front of the messengers face. The messenger squinted at it.

"Okay," he said trying to sound official, "I just got something from central intelligence."

Eliza looked at them "Man, they should have an agency for that. So the memos don't get lost."

The messenger looked at the unruly crowd. "Ignore them." Castiel said helpfully. "What else?"

"Your… garrison… and I use that term lightly, is to report for duty tomorrow." The messenger said pompously.

There were cheers amongst the angels. "Great," Castiel said with a false smile, "Give me the damn memo and get the hell out of my face before I let Josh turn you into a taco again."

The messenger bolted. Castiel looked at his garrison. They were currently racing their bunnies. Archie was taking bets. He sighed and opened up the memo.

Tomorrow was not going to be a good day.

**.:to be continued:.**

**Taco, anyone? **


	2. Intensity

**A/N: **I'm glad everyone likes the C.I.A., but let's get some main characters in here shall we? If you didn't know the Cross Roads Demon is named Amber. Also, in your review please include who your fave memember of C.I.A. is!

Beta'd by the lovely BAMF enviousxbeauty

**Chapter Two: Intensity**

**

* * *

**

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To: Castiel, leader of Troop 217  
From: Anna, leader of Troop #1!  
Re:** C.I.A.

You're unsuited for the rage of war. Seriously, Cas, we gave you that garrison because we thought even _you _couldn't fuck it up. Tomorrow is the big day. It's been in the works for ever!!

So when you show up, try not to be a total embarrassment.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To: Anna, leader of Troop Lame  
From: Castiel, leader of Troop Awesome  
Re: **C.I.A.

Anna, I know you gave me this assignment as a joke. And this is one of times, where you will eat your words. We've got all the strength of a raging fire, we're as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

So tomorrow, when we march- you better be able to keep up.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To: Castiel, leader of Troop Idiot  
From: Anna, leader of the winning side  
Re:** You talk a lot of shit

Seriously, Cas? Tomorrow, you might just wanna let the professionals go to work. We'll understand if you guys need more time to grow up.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To: Anna, Professional Amateur  
From: Castiel, Professionally Awesome  
Re: **Save it for the battlefield

We'll just have to see at the aftermath won't we? TONIGHT, or tomorrow as the case may be, WE DINE IN HELL!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After Castiel hit send he suddenly made a terrible realization. His Garrison sucked and was more than likely going to make him look like a fool in front of Anna tomorrow. He sighed wearily, and began to rethink his training methods. Clearly, there was work to be done. Well, he thought hopefully, maybe they just won't need us tomorrow.

There was a knock on his office door. He looked up and causally waved who ever it was in. To his surprise, it was Zachariah.

He jumped up immediately. "Hello, Sir."

"Relax, Castiel." Zachariah walked in and sat down. "I just had some important news."

Castiel sat back down at his desk. "Yes?"

"We need all hands on deck tomorrow, so be prepared for anything." Zachariah said with a smile.

Castiel forced a grateful grin. "Thanks, uh, we'll be ready!"

"Great!" Zachariah walked out of the office.

"Fuck me." Castiel sighed.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Inter Hell Memo  
To: Lilith, my number one  
From: Lucifer, the orignal BAMF  
Re: **Favor

Hey, do you think you could check the reinforcements on the entrance gate? It's getting a little loose, and I don't anyone we don't approve of getting in.

Also, feed Cerberus for me.

Thanks, Lilly. You're a doll!

**Inter Hell Memo  
To: Alistair, my favorite guy ever  
From: Lilith, your boss  
Re:** I've Got Something I Need You Take Care Of

Al, do me a favor and check out the gate, could you? Dad thinks it's loose. Whatever. And feed the damn dog, too, while you're at it.

**Inter Hell Memo  
To: Amber, Cross-Roads-Go-To-Girl  
From: Alistair, the awesome guy  
Re:** I've Got Something I Need You To Do

Could you please check out our entrance gate? It might be rusty. And could you also feed the dog?

**Inter Hell Memo  
To: Alistair, whatever you just have knives  
From: Amber, making deals with a smile  
Re: **Stop Sending Me Chain Mail!

Do it your own damn self.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Amber wadded up the memo and walked away. She had more important things to deal with than a stupid gate- there were deals to make. Besides, she thought, Alistair probably had it under control.

**.:to be continued:.**


	3. Illuminati

**A/N:** Frankly, m'dear I don't give a damn that Azazel died. I'll kill him later. Until then...his ass is mine.

**Chapter Three: Illuminati**

"You did WHAT?" Alistair gasped as he stirred his coffee.

Amber laughed and picked up her doughnut. She looked around the employee break room and was relived to see no one was watching them. "I only had to tell her I'd give her wings!"

Alistair, mid sip of his coffee, sputtered on the hot liquid as he started laughing. "Seriously? How stupid is this Angel?!"

Amber shrugged as she munched on her chocolate doughnut. After she swallowed she gave a smile. "I won't guess, but I will say that if Angels, for whatever reason, do come here… I won't even flinch."

As Azazel walked into the break room he slammed the door particularly loudly, startling Amber. Alistair smiled at his jumpy co-worker. "Either way," Alistair said playfully, "I'm just glad we can serve beer in Hell now."

"Hey guys!" Azazel walked over cheerily. "Another cold day in Hell, huh?"

Alistair leaned on his hand like a shield between him and having to look up at the yellow eyed fiend. "I hate this guy." He mouthed at Amber.

She held her mug up to her face and nodded.

Azazel sat down at their table. All six other tables in the break room were by now, completely vacant. "So tell me, what's new? Amber, make any good deals lately?"

Alistair stood up quickly. He dumped his dirty mug in the sink and ignored the 'Your Mother Doesn't Work Here-Do Your Own Dishes' sign. "Hey guys," he said with false sympathy, "I got to go check on, uh…Dean. He's only been working here for ten years and I wanna make sure he's doing okay. Sorry to leave so soon!"

Before Amber could protest, Alistair was gone. Amber looked back at Azazel with his coffee and bagel. Azazel looked at his bagel and scrunched his nose. "You know what would make this bagel amazing? Peanut butter."

She groaned. "Hey, Az, I'll make you a deal."

"Really?" Azazel said with bright eyes.

She held up her plastic stirring spoon and smiled. "Yeah, sure. How bout you," she paused and pretended to mull it over, "Hmm…Shut the fuck up and I don't kill you with this spoon?"

She winked at him and stood up. Amber walked out of the break room, leaving Azazel sitting in stunned silence.

"Wait!" He called after her. "Don't we have to kiss to make it official?"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

Archie turned his flashlight on and stuck it in the middle of the bunker. "Alright, I've got to discuss some important issues."

They all sat cross legged in a circle in the middle of the room. Josh yawned. Eric rolled his eyes. "Archie, everyone already knows Castiel's a dick. Can we go back to bed?"

"Yeah!" Eliza whined. "Its 3am already, I'm tired."

Aretha was leaning on Charlie's shoulder snoring lightly. Charlie shook her awake.

Archie glared at them. "Seriously, guys. If we are going to be the most bad ass garrison ever… we have to have rules."

"Like what?" Aretha blinked herself awake.

"The first rule of our garrison is…" Archie looked around at their faces trying to build the suspense. "We do not talk about the garrison! And the second rule is: We do not talk about the garrison!"

Charlie huffed. "That's stupid. The first rule about the garrison should be: We do everything we can to out perform those other sorry excuses for angels."

Josh high-fived her, and added, "And the second rule of our garrison should be that everyone gets a taco!"

Eric stared at him blankly. "No, Josh, just…No. I'm going to bed."

Aretha stood up. "Yeah me, too."

Josh looked at his watch-less wrist. "It guess it is getting pretty late."

Archie frowned as the rest of his bunk mates got up and went to bed. He sighed and crept over to the trunk at the foot of his cot that held his personal items. He pulled out his spare flask, only to notice it was empty. He grumbled angrily and went to sleep.

_Whatever dumb shit Castiel has planned for us,_ he thought, _I better get some sleep before he charges in at 6am._

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dean sliced a few more times here and there at the soul on the rack, but his heart wasn't in it today. Alistair walked in, and he brightened up immediately. "Hey! Al!" he waved his mentor over.

The soul on the rack watched them terrified eyes. "Am I interrupting something?" Alistair asked politely.

"No, no, of course not." Dean said as he looked for a place to set his knife down. He stuck it in the exposed soul's abdomen until he had better spot. "So what's up?"

Alistair shrugged. "Avoiding Azazel."

Dean nodded sagely. "Oh, yeah. He's annoying."

Alistair looked over his shoulder at the shredded soul. "So…anything I can do to help?"

"Eh." Dean frowned. "Not really. I got this one almost broken here…"

The soul gave a weak nod of agreement.

"It's just… I kind of feel like something is going to happen today…" Dean pulled out his knife. "Do you know what I mean?"

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "No fucking clue."

"Maybe I'm crazy." Dean muttered.

"Could be. This wouldn't be the first time." Alistair backed away slowly. "I'll see you later, kid?"

Dean smiled sadly. "Yeah, sure. See you tonight."

Alistair smiled. "Awesome. Meet you same place, same time?"

Dean waved. "Hades' Hangover it is."

Alistair walked out whistling. Dean looked back at the soul. "Thanks for making me look good in front of my boss."

He resumed working, but with not as much gusto.

o-o-o-o-o

Castiel walked into the Garrison at 4:30 am. His kicked open the door to their barracks and immediately started yelling. "Come on ladies! Everybody up! We have to be ready in an hour!"

Josh sat bold upright, still half asleep. "Field trip?" he asked dazedly.

Eliza stretched her arms wide, shaking out her red hair. "What's the rush?"

Aretha swung the legs over her bunk. "Are we finally going to do something fun?"

Eliza's pink bunny hoped across the room. Charlie giggled.

Castiel looked at them "Yes." He said in a voice as cold as ice and a tricky smile. "We are going to have some fun today."

Some of them tentatively cheered.

Castiel continued, "Because today, we march into the bowels of Hell and join in the blood bath!"

"Yeah!" Eric said. He looked at his bunk mates, who had dropped their jaws. He cleared his throat. "Boo."

Charlie's green eyes were widened to the size of saucers. "Seriously?"

Castiel nodded. "Now get your asses up. Every angel has been called in for this mission. It is highly important. Some of you may not survive."

Eliza, Aretha, Charlie, Josh and Eric all swung their heads over to look at Archie. He slowly sat up in bed. "What's the matter Cas? We'll keep you safe."

Castiel pointed to the showers. "Go. Meet outside in half an hour to get your armor."

o-o-o-o-o

Exactly forty-five minutes later they stood in the armory in front of a very pissed Castiel. He rolled his eyes. "Damnit guys, almost all the good armor is gone. Get inside."

They walked inside and started to put on their prospective armor. Eliza gathered her fiery red hair into a tight bun and tucked it under a golden helmet. She dug through all the vambraces (to protect their legs), greaves (for their arms), and chest plates looking for something decent in the metallic mess.

"Oooh!" Charlie squealed pulling out a gold suit of armor that had little roses carved in an interweaving pattern across it.

Aretha picked out a chain mail skirt of bronze that matched the chest plate she took. Archie offered her a helmet. "No thanks," she said pushing it away, "it'll mess up my hair."

Eric was fanatically polishing a silver breast plate to make it semi-decent looking. Archie sighed and started digging through the holy armor.

"Field trip?" Josh asked again.

Archie tossed him the breast plate. "No. We are going to war."

"Oh." Josh frowned. He looked down at his feet. "Like a field trip?"

"Yes God damnit!" Archie flung more pieces of armor at the blonde.

Castiel tapped his foot. He was covered in black armor and his sword was sheathed at his side. "Get you shit in gear guys."

Archie threw his hands in the air. "You know what? I don't need this." Archie pointed at his khakis and short sleeve green t-shirt. He ripped off the sleeves and glared at Castiel. "I'm too awesome to die. These clothes will suit me fine."

Castiel rolled his eyes and beckoned for them to follow him. "It's your funeral. Let's roll out."

Little did Castiel know, in her memo sending flurry yesterday, Anna had neglected to mention the change of time. All the other angels had flown into battle a good hour ago. As Castiel flew with his six angels following him in formation, they noticed the skies were strangely devoid of avenging armor clad angels.

It didn't seem to be an issue until they arrived at the maw of the river Styx. They landed with a soft thump on the dry land. Castiel held a finger to his lips, urging them into silence. He hissed, "Heed my every order and you might survive."

They tiptoed into the huge cavern that was Hell's entrance. There was a huge lake that was surrounded by rocky walls. They walked over the lake and hid behind some boulders near the entrance while they plotted their next move.

"Where the hell is everyone?" Eric said looking around the entrance.

"Hell, dumbass." Eliza glared at him.

Castiel sighed. "Look, they're probably just left earlier than we did… I'm sure we can just get in however else the other troops did."

"Which is how exactly?" Archie pointed over to the entrance. The gate was bent with just enough of an opening for them, but there was still the problem of the three headed growling guard dog that stood watch. "We've got a slight issue."

Cerberus' bark sounded like thunder.

They all scrambled to hide behind a closer boulder nearer the entrance. Charlie looked at them. "Uh, guys, what if one of us just distracts him while the others run in?"

They all nodded at this brilliant plan. Then they looked at each other. "But who?" Josh asked.

"Not it!" Archie yelled touching his nose. "Nose goes!"

Eliza, Eric, Charlie and Aretha quickly touched their noses. Then at the last moment Josh and Castiel touched their nose at the same instance. Castiel pointed at Josh. "I'm the leader. You do it."

Josh sighed. He brushed his blonde bangs from his hair and announced. "Fine. I WILL."

"Just go already!" the girls shrieked.

Josh stepped out in front of Hell's guardian. He rolled up his sleeves. Josh took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder. The other angels gave him the thumbs up.

He looked back at the growling three headed rottweiler in front of him Three pairs of blood shot eyes glared at him, daring him to take step forward.

"Hey boy, boy, boy." He said tentatively.

He squinted his eyes shut in deep concentration and held his arms out. "Bippity… Boppity…oh shit, what's next…erm, Boo?"

Miraculously there was a popping noise and out of thin air a giant five foot taco appeared. Josh opened one eye and looked down at himself. He was surprised to see he was still alive. Cerberus wagged his tail happily.

Josh picked up the taco and threw it at Cerberus.

The hungry dog snatched it up immediately, but quickly discovered it was only rubber. As Cerberus continued to wrestle with the giant squeaky taco, Castiel's Inept Angels snuck in through the open gate.

As they entered Hell, chaos surrounded them.

Anna ran up to Castiel covered in blood. She waved her battle ax at him. "How did you get in here?" she hissed.

"The front door." Castiel looked proudly at his garrison. "We tricked that pathetic excuse for a guard dog and snuck in."

Anna rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you just use the back entrance like the rest of us?"

Castiel's mind searched hurriedly for some excuse. But Archie yelled. "Because we're to damn good for trap doors!"

Eliza, Aretha, and Charlie cheered in support.

Castiel crossed his arms over his chest. "What he said. Now if you'll excuse me, my troop is here to kick some ass."

Anna put her hand Castiel's shoulder. "Just don't forget man, we're here to save Dean Winchester."

He nodded and called. "C'mon guys, move out!"

They leaped into the fray.

**To Be Continued**

Which troop will make it in time to save Dean Winchester? *bites nails*


	4. Incarnadine

**SAVE DEAN WINCHESTER SAVE THE FUTURE**

Beta'd by my BAMF, enviousxbeauty

Chapter Four: Incarnadine

The angels were loosing. Badly. Uriel's sword lay at his feet as he pummeled into one of Hell's demons with his bruised knuckles. The demon grinned at him with broken teeth and a bloody nose. "That all you got? You're on my turf."

Two more demons appeared and they leaped on Uriel. Anna ran to his side taking them both on. She and Uriel barely had time to catch their breath before five more demons surrounded them.

Zachariah charged with his spear out screaming wildly at demons. He'd given up yelling orders at the soldiers under his command hours ago. He continued in his attempt to find Dean Winchester.

He had to be around here somewhere.

Zachariah just had to find him before he was an accidental causality of the battle. Bella snuck up behind him, her eyes were as black as her soul, and brought her knife down on his shoulder. She twisted the blade with a twisted smile.

Josh's eyes widened at the grim scene. "Whoa man. The shit totally hit the fan!"

Archie blinked a couple of times. "I knew today was a bad day to quit drinking."

"DUCK!" Eric yelled.

Archie turned around just in time to miss the ninja star thrown at him. There was a large rip across the front of his shirt however, where it nicked him, exposing some of his pectorals. His blinked his green eyes dazedly. "Well," he sighed, "let's get to ass kicking shall we?"

Charlie clapped. "Yes!"

She pulled out her bow and arrows and began to fire. Occasionally, she hit a rock. Castiel walked over to her and touched her elbow. "No, no, no…like this. See?"

With Castiel's encouragement she began to hit demons in between the eyes. Castiel raised his sword. "Remember! Find Dean Winchester and kill as many demons as you can!"

"HUZZAH!" Eliza cheered throwing her fists in the air. She inadvertently punched the demon sneaking up behind her in the face.

"That's the spirit!" Aretha yelled jumping on the demon nearest her.

Archie had immediately, yes even in Hell, found a source of alcohol. He held up the Molotov Cocktail proudly and chucked it. He ran into the flames with his chainsaw waving wildly. Castiel nodded approvingly at the improvised weapon. He instructed Eliza and Aretha to follow Archie's example. Well, this time.

Castiel led them while waving his sword with infinite grace as he beheaded their enemies. Without breaking a sweat, he flexed his powerful muscles and flew through the skirmishes with a passionate furry. Every graceful movement of his was a choreographed dance of death. Behind him fumbled his six students. They somehow managed to stay in a circle as they wove a pattern of inadvertent, and often, accidental destruction.

They searched Hell frantically. After hopeless hours they came upon a cavern with an entrance draped in chains. A sign over the entrance read: _The Rack: Work Will Set You Free. _

Archie was covered in grime and guts, but relatively unharmed. He frowned. "That looks cheery."

Castiel pulled out his communicator. "This is C.I.A. to Troop #1. Anna come over."

The communicator frazzled. "Anna?" he tried again. "Damnit."

"…Anna….here…go…" cackled through.

Castiel spoke quickly. "We found the torture chamber. On the sixth floor, five doors to the right. Send back up."

"…no …one…left…" buzzed through the communicator. "some…retreat…"

Castiel blinked at the machine. "Well," he looked grimily at his rag tag soldiers, "do we retreat?"

Josh looked at his comrades. They made a mental agreement. He looked back at Castiel. "Never."

Castiel nodded. "Good. Weapons out, we're going in. Be prepared for anything."

There was a clash. Rounding the corner were ten demons with Azazel at the front. His yellows flashed mischievously. "Not so fast you inept angels."

Aretha pointed to the ceiling. "Bippity Boppity Boo, you bastard."

Rock feel down, creating a temporary barrier between them and the demons. They ran into the Rack and slammed the door shut. Eliza pressed her back against the door just as demons started pounding on it.

Dean Winchester was sitting glumly in his chair. He was looking morosely at his tools. He looked up at them. "Who the hell are you?"

Castiel sheathed his sword. "I am Castiel and we have come to rescue you."

Dean smiled sadly. "It's too late for me. I can't be saved."

**.:To Be Continued:.**


	5. Inadequate

**About four paragraphs of this chapter were written by **ClydeLives** who literally stole my computer for an hour. She's written some other stories that were pretty good, so go check it out!**

Batman BAMF BETA OF AWESOME: enviousxbeauty, who again swooped in to save the day

**Disclaimer: Kripike owns the Winchesters and Castiel. I own C.I.A. :P HA.**

**Chapter Five: **Inadequate

Eliza looked out the door she was blocking. "Uh, guys…"

A severed arm banged against the door. Eliza's eyes widened when she realized she recognized that hand. She screamed. "GUYS! We really have to get out of here now!"

Eric glared at Dean. "You better fucking appreciate this Winchester."

Dean gave an evil grin. "You better appreciate your wings pretty boy while you still have them."

Aretha slapped him across the face. "We are risking everything for you!"

Dean glared at her. "Why?"

Castiel threw his communicator down in disgust. "Why? YOU ASK US WHY DEAN WINCHESTER? Maybe you should stop acting like a whiny bitch and just accept the fact that you are getting rescued from HELL."

Castiel's inept angels froze. They knew that tone very well, and exactly what it meant: you did what Castiel said next no matter _what. _

"Archie, I want you to help Eliza reinforce the door."

Archie, for once in his life, just nodded. He walked over to Eliza as they improvised ways to solidify the door.

"Charlie, Aretha… make sure there are no other exits in this room."

Charlie and Aretha moved quickly through the room moving aside the chains in a vain search attempt.

"And Josh?"

Josh looked at him with a sloppy grin.

"Stay put."

His shaggy hair flew while he nodded enthusiastically. "Cool, man."

Charlie looked at Castiel. "There's no other exit" she reported sadly.

Castiel took a deep breath. "Guys, stand together. I didn't want to do this…but…"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures?" Eric sighed.

"Exactly." Castiel rolled up his sleeves. "You know how to perform a miracle?"

The Garrison nodded. "Well," Castiel smiled, "there's only one other incantation that works. It's just never said."

"Bippity-boppity- supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?" Archie asked helpfully.

"No." Castiel shook his head. "Just pay attention."

"Bippity." He started, there was a moment hesitation between syllables; no one had ever attempted something this outrageous. Some words are too Holy. Too important. They hold just too much meaning to cultures around the world. He was replacing the normal incantation words with five innocent looking letters that held all the power in the cosmos. Castiel took a deep breathe to calm himself and continued, "BOBBY-ity Boo!"

To say the miracle worked would be a gross understatement. An explosion of love, peace, happiness, joy, and everything the angels needed burst into the dim cavern in Hell. The sheer power of the explosion made every demon in a fifty foot radius fall over dead. Lilith just so happened to be standing exactly fifty-one feet outside. But Azazel, was sadly, only thirteen feet away. He died.

Bobby stood up from the epicenter. He turned to Castiel, "Where the fuck did you learn that incantation? I was under the impression that one, and only ONE, being knew that incantation. And he sure as the hell was not supposed to tell you, you bunch of inept idjit imbecile angels!"

"Well, he…." Josh's pupils were as wide as quarters. "It was sort of-"

"I don't care what you did you hippie of a personal angel! I was talking to Cas. Well, What do you have to say for your self?" It was extremely clear that Bobby was not pleased with his summoning.

"I just thought of the most powerful person I could name and Bobby…Let's face it: that's you." Castiel's voice stuttered a bit, and he looked slightly bashful.

"Fair enough. But so help me, if any of you tell anyone else about this I will personally see to your reassignment!" Bobby cooled down a bit. And the angels quickly nodded in understanding. Or fear. One of those.

Bobby looked at the angels. "Everyone, link arms." He ordered.

They all linked arms. At the end of their line was Dean, who solidly refused to let anyone hold his hand. Castiel rolled his eyes and pressed his hand into Dean's shoulder.

Bobby checked everyone was ready. His eyes glowed white brimming with power.

"Hold on to your hats," he grumbled, "we're getting out of here."

o-o-o-o-o-o

The gate to Hell still was torn open from the earlier angelic entrance.

Cerberus lay on the stone entrance in front of it and whimpered. His stomach growled loudly, echoing in the cavern. His ears perked up when he heard the noise grow louder. And to his canine confusion, nearer.

The stone wall shattered making the dog yelp in surprise. All three of his heads looked up and started growling. When Cerberus recognized Bobby, he relaxed and wagged his tail.

Bobby strutted out with the angels, and Dean, in tow. "Calm down, boys," Bobby reassured Cerberus, "We're just passing through."

The dog barked happily and its middle head licked Bobby. Its giant tongue engulfed his face. "Not now, Cerberus, I'll feed you later. Now, sit."

Cerberus sat at attention. Bobby scratched his paw briefly, and then continued leading the Garrison out. At the entrance Bobby pointed to daylight. "Okay, you guys good from here?"

Castiel nodded. "Yeah, again, Bobby….Thank you, really. I'm so sorry…"

Bobby held up a hand. "Whatever. Just don't pull that stunt again. I'm gonna go feed that damn dog now."

Bobby turned and left. Dean looked at the angels and then the daylight. He blinked several times. "Am I…really free?"

Castiel touched his index finger to Dean's forehead. "Yes, Dean Winchester, you are."

Dean fell into unconsciousness. At Castiel's gesture Archie picked him up.

They flew off to Dean's no-longer-final resting place. After dropping Dean's soul off in his body they resumed their journey home.

"Hey wait." Eliza stopped mid air. "We dug Dean out of the coffin right?"

Aretha frowned. "Huh, I don't think we left him six feet under…Archie did we?"

Archie shrugged. "I just put him back in his body. I didn't know I was supposed to take the coffin out, too."

Eric flew a circle around them. "I'm sure the prick's fine. C'mon guys lets go home. "

**To Be Continued**...

and somewhere Dean woke up six feet under...very pissy....who wants to kiss him and make it all better?


	6. Insignificant

**Beta'd by the BAMF: **enviousxbeauty

**After reading this chapter, go check out 494dwangel's profile. She wrote me a poem about the C.I.A., and it's seriously funny. **

**On to the story! Enjoy-  
**  
**Chapter Six: Insignificant**

Aretha grew up being told over and over again that nobody liked her, that she wasn't a good angel, that she was just _inept. _She never had any respect and the rest of her team members shared this sense of insignificance.

The garrison flew back silently to the Tarnished Gates. That was the side entrance to the Pearly Gates. But only the highest, holiest, awesome-est of angels could use that entrance. Castiel flew backwards so he could look at his garrison. They were all tired and battle weary. The armor they wore was heavy and blood stained.

They all looked restive and contemplative. "C'mon guys cheer up," he smiled, "You did good today. I'm proud of you."

They all smiled. Charlie sighed. "Really?"

Castiel shrugged. "Well, Archie's still a dumb ass, but the rest of you were pretty good."

Eric stuck his tongue out at Archie.

Archie held out his hand, and with a quick mutter of _bippity boppity boo, _Eric's wings became mismatched.

Castiel rolled his eyes and fixed Eric. "Alright, just stay cool guys. We're almost home."

"For what that's worth." Eliza rolled her eyes. "They probably never noticed we were gone."

o-o-o-o-o-o

The Tarnished Gates had a sign on them that declared: _Temporarily Closed: Please crawl up garbage shoot. _

"Great!" Aretha threw her hands in the air. "Nobody fucking appreciates us!"

Castiel shook his head. "Guys, let's just use the Pearly Gates."

Josh brushed his bangs from his face to get a good look at Castiel. "Seriously? Can we do that?"

Eric puffed up his chest. "Of course we can. We're awesome."

"Yeah." Castiel waved his hand to follow. "Besides, what's the worst they can do?"

Eliza held back. "Uh? Kick us out!"

She sighed and flew after them. They circled around to the Pearly Gates with bated breath. Aretha gasped when she saw the sign on the door.

_Only C.I.A. May Touch the Pearly Gates. Everyone else…go the fuck around._

"Hallelujah." Castiel muttered.

Charlie's lower lip trembled. "What if it's a trap?"

Archie shrugged and pushed the shimmering gold, pearl encrusted gates open.

Castiel walked through with them filing behind him.

Charlie held her breath. She'd gotten very good at the talent. She'd held her breath every time her ex-boyfriend had come home drunk and violent. She'd held her breath when she gotten her first assignment, willing everything to go right. And she had held back her breath and tears when she'd been sent to C.I.A.

As she walked through the gates she did not know what to expect.

Eric stood next to her with his head hung low. He was thinking about the last time he'd come through the gates, bloody and beaten and cursing 'Bloody Murder! The angels on gate watching duty added one more injury to his list: a boot in the ass that sent him over to C.I.A.

He just prayed nobody noticed them and remembered his H1N1 disaster.

Aretha looked ahead with steel in her eyes. She would not, no way take any more crap from the other angels inside if they mentioned the Hyena situation. It was one joke, one stupid joke about peanut butter, and those stupid hyena's were still laughing their dumb ass' off. She still couldn't rationalize how their perpetual laughter was her fault, or how it was enough to send her to C.I.A..

Trembling with nervousness, the garrison walked through.

Heaven was dark and silent. Suddenly applause broke out, the lights went on, and best of all-

Confetti was showered over them.

Charlie blinked and then screamed with joy. Ezra and Aretha were jumping up and down yelling. Archie swaggered in, pompous and over confident, he'd had no doubt his awesome-ness would be recognized one day.

Josh blinked at the confetti. "It's like snowflakes." he gasped.

The last time he'd seen snow, he'd been in charge of keeping narwhales safe. He smiled; he had missed the snow and the unicorn whales.

Castiel blinked a couple of times before he could believe it. Anna was shaking his hand energetically, "Holy shit that was amazing. Your garrison totally rules!"

She waved at the rest of his group. "C'mon, the parties all set up…"

Most of Heaven was there, except some in the infirmary. Zachariah was in the hospital getting his left wing reattached. Uriel sat in his barrack, brooding over the conversation he'd had with one demon. They missed the most fucking amazing party of all time.

Charlie had not liked being touched, especially since her last relationship, but she couldn't help but swell with pride when everyone hugged her, patted her shoulder, or waved. Eliza was telling exaggerated stories of their victory to a captive audience over by the punch table. And soon, Anna had music pumping. She put the music on pause and all the attention was on her. She held up her punch. "Let's toast!" She roared. "To C.I.A.: CASTIEL'S INCREDIBLE ANGELS!!"

Everyone cheered and C.I.A. threw their fists in the air. "Whoo-hoo!"

The party resumed with gusto. Archie immediately narrowed in on the cutest angels on the outskirts of the dance floor and winked at them. "Well aren't you a little slice of heaven."

The ladies giggled as they looked appreciatively at his torn shirt and bloody clothes. "Let's dance," Nikki the angel held out her hand.

Archie took it, and they began to twirl all over the dance floor.

Josh didn't talk much but he did play with the confetti that continued to gently fall over the party. It reminded him of all the times he hung out with Rachel, his pet narwhale, feeding her tacos. If only he'd known narawhales couldn't stomach tacos. Then they wouldn't be on the endangered species list and he'd never have been put in C.I.A. "Hey," Aretha tapped his shoulder, "There's tacos on the buffet line. Wanna get one with me?"

He looked at Aretha's curly dark locks. ...The way her battle armor gleamed under the party lights. "Yeah." He smiled softly, realizing how beautiful she truly was. "That'd be real nice."

Castiel looked around and sighed contentedly. When he was done grinding on the dance floor he decided to step out onto the balcony and look outside.

He took a deep breath in the chilly night air. "Gorgeous, isn't it?" Anna smiled walking up beside him.

Castiel looked down at the world below. "Yeah it is."

She handed him some punch. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

Castiel smiled. "Thanks."

She leaned closer to him. He could hear her heartbeat painfully loud. "Cas?" she asked with a playful gleam in her eyes.

Castiel shook his head. "No, Anna, this isn't right. You only want me because I'm popular now. Shoo, fly. I don't need your garrison."

He walked off the balcony leaving her stunned. She looked sadly down at her punch. As she turned to leave she accidentally tripped and fell off the balcony down onto Earth. Already buzzed from the drinks at the party, she was unable to keep her balance. As a result, she also dropped her grace.

o-o-o-o-o

One fantastic one night stand later, resting on cloud nine, Archie was bored. He rolled over and pulled on his clothes. He yawned and tiptoed out of the barracks. His Garrison was probably missing him.

On second thought, he decided that he wanted to see if there were any good bars down on Earth. Walking around Heaven quietly, Castiel flagged him over.

"Shit." He muttered rolling his eyes.

Castiel saw him and shoved a paper in his hand. "Archie, I hate to tell you like this, but the superiors think you have an attitude problem."

"That's bull shit!" Archie practically yelled.

Castiel shrugged. "Yeah, well you've been reassigned."

"I'm getting kicked out of C.I.A.!" Archie gasped.

"Basically." Castiel pointed to the flyer. "That's the details. Head out in the morning."

Archie looked over the flyer and groaned. "I don't see how this is gonna get me the same quality of hot ass that I just had."

Castiel raised one eyebrow. "Just take your issues elsewhere, okay?"

Archie frowned. "Whatever."

Castiel patted his shoulder. "I'll see you later man."

Archie walked away with his shoulders slumped. "Yeah, later."

o-o-o-o-o

In their barracks, the sleepy C.I.A. finally was able to take off their armor and relax. Aretha and Josh had successfully snuck a good portion of the buffet back with them. All settled in pajamas they sat in a circle.

Aretha leaned on Josh with a smile. He rested his head on her head.

Eliza giggled. "You guys are adorable."

Eric rolled his eyes. He turned on a flashlight and put it in the middle of the room. Charlie held the pink bunny in her lap. "Guys," she swallowed, "do you think we'll get reassigned?"

"I did." They all looked up as Archie stormed in. He pushed Aretha and Josh apart and sat in between them. "I'm gone tomorrow."

Aretha glared at Archie. "What's the deal?"

Archie squinted at his paper. "It says I gotta deal with some author."

The was a collective gasp. "But-but," Charlie stammered, "Writers are all emo and shit!"

Archie wadded up the paper. "I know. This is gonna suck."

Josh frowned. "Taco?"

"Yeah, thanks." He took the taco and devoured it. "What about you guys?"

Eric shrugged. "We don't know yet."

"Well," Archie stood up, "I guess I'll catch you on the flip side."

He waved sadly at them and walked out the door.

Josh watched him go. "We are most definitely screwed."

o-o-o-o-o

Chuck Shirley sat alone at the bar's counter trying to chase away his nightmares. He took another long gulp of his beer and sighed. He was still haunted by the image of Dean being ripped to shreds by the hell hounds. The tearing … the blood… the screaming…

When he'd published the third book, No Rest For The Wicked, he tried to avoid graphic detail for his reader's sake. But the gapping maw of those hell hounds, with their fiery eyes, smoking claws, and soot covered fur kept clawing at his memories.

"I'll take a shot of bourbon and a bourbon chaser, now." A voice next to him said, slapping money firmly on the counter.

"What's a matter buddy?" the bartender asked trying to be friendly as she handed out the bourbon.

"Fuck you." The voice said. Chuck looked up to see the tall redhead with blue eyes down the shot. The bartender walked away.

Chuck noticed his shirt was singed and his jeans were ripped and bloody. Wiping his mouth with the corner from his sleeve, he turned to face Chuck. "Chuck Shirley." He said seriously.

"Wh-who are you?" Chuck stammered.

"My name is Archie. And I have been sent to deal with your shit." Archie held out his hand. "I'm an Angel of the Lord, by the way."

"I need a drink." Chuck gasped.

Archie spread his arms wide, gesturing around the bar. "Amen, brother. Welcome to the holy land."

He beckoned the bartender over. "My God woman, get us more bourbon."

The bartender rolled her sassy hazel eyes and got drinks. "So," Archie said pulling a seat up next to Chuck, "Tell me about your self… Since I'm gonna be in charge of protecting your sorry ass."

"I'm a …a writer." Chuck mumbled. "I'm working on my next novel."

"He gets out of Hell." Archie winked. "Just so you know. A couple of damn fine Angels rescued his ungrateful ass."

Chuck stood up. "How did you know that?"

Archie stood up also and shrugged. "It's my job."

"What-ever, man." Chuck said before running out of the bar.

Archie sat back down and kept drinking. He shook his head tiredly. "I tried." He said to himself. He looked up. "Hey! You sorry excuse for a bar wench get me something to drink!"

**.:To Be Continued:.**

In your review:Please state who you think is Nature's retard, the fuck up of the animal kingdom, if you will.


	7. Irreconcilable

**Beta: enviousxbeauty**

Chapter Seven: Irreconcilable 

As far from sober as sober as one can be, Archie stumbled out of the bar on a mission hours later. He was already having second thoughts about his reassignment, it seemed like it was already going pretty well.

Chuck sat at home hunched in front of his computer. He held a hand to his temple willing for one of those visions to come, just so he could think about something aside from the blue eyed stranger.

_"Tonight…we dine in hell!"_

_"Taco!"_

_Three headed dog barring their way… a desperate escape…_

Chuck quickly downed the nearest source of alcohol. Even that was too weird for him to publish. A knock on his door made him look up. A little voice at the back of his mind told him who it was, but it couldn't possibly be…

He opened the door and gasped. "Archie?"

Archie smiled and gave him the thumbs up. "Hey man! You left me at the bar."

Chuck stood there with his jaw hanging as Archie pushed his way in. "Hey man you got in a beer?"

"Not enough, apparently." Chuck sighed as he slammed the door shut and followed Archie inside.

o-o-o-o-o

Castiel put his hands in his khaki pockets and took a deep breath. He took a step back from the office door and thought about running away down the hall. He looked down at his dog tag that rested on his chest.

CASTIEL, it declared, ANGEL 00018-9562.

He picked it up and squinted at it. He let it drop back onto his green clad chest. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the office door.

"Come in." a voice boomed

Castiel poked his head in. "Hey, you wanted to see me?"

God looked up from his desk. He smiled. "Yeah, Cas I did."

Castiel blushed. "It's Castiel."

"I know. I named you." God pointed the chair in front of his desk, "Have a seat, Cas."

Castiel sat down in front of God and leaned forward. "What can I do?"

God straightened the stack of papers on his desk. "I just wanted to congratulate you and your Garrison on the excellent job you did yesterday."

"Really?" Castiel beamed.

"Damn straight," God smiled, "You saved Dean Winchester. Clearly, we got this apocalypse nonsense in the bag."

"Wow. It really means so much to hear you say that."

God held up his hand. "Here, let me see your dog tag, son."

Castiel took off the chain excitedly. God took it and gave it a squeeze. He handed it back to Castiel. "To honor what you guys did, I'm making you the official angel of Thursday."

"That's cool… but what's so special about Thursday? Nothing ever happens on Thursday." Castiel frowned slightly.

God shrugged. "I don't know. Think of something. It's your department now. And Cas, I have one more thing I need."

"Yes?"

"Look, with all the drama we've had- I think I want to take a break for a while."

Castiel couldn't hide the surprise on his face. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, the demons are pretty quiet. We avoided pissing off Sam Winchester, and we got Dean back. It's all good." God shrugged. "I might go to Mexico or something. Anyway, I've made a decision."

Castiel leaned in close. God smiled. "I'm putting C.I.A. in charge while I'm gone. If you guys have any questions, just ask Bobby. He's my BFF- Best fucking friend around, no doubt. He usually has a good grip on what's going on."

"Alright." Castiel nodded. "Enjoy the vacation. C.I.A. will take care of things, no problem."

God smiled. "I knew I could count on you."

Castiel got up. "Sure thing, Dad."

Castiel walked away. As soon as he was out of the office he looked at his dog tag and smiled proudly. CASTIEL, his dog tag now declared, ANGEL OF THURSDAY. DO NOT MESS WITH.

He had no doubt that C.I.A. would live up to their expectations.

That is until he got back to the food splattered barracks, and smiling angels. Josh giggled and pulled taco out of Aretha's hair. Two feet in the door Eric threw a pie in his face. Castiel held up his hand and yelled. "STOP."

The angels froze. "Sorry." Charlie blushed kicking at the pie at her feet.

Castiel wiped pumpkin pie filling off his face with the back of his hand. "Everybody pay attention. We have important matters to discuss."

Josh groaned. "Oh I knew we were going to be reassigned!"

Aretha held his hand. "We can still hang out and stuff."

Castiel shook his head. "No, guys I just talked to God."

Eric brightened up considerably. "Really? What'd the big man say?"

Castiel looked over the destruction in the room and sighed. "He said you guys can be in charge for a week."

Ezra and Eric jumped up and down in excitement. Until Castiel added. "And I'm in charge."

There was a collective, "Awwwwwwwww."

Josh sighed. "I was gonna give Narwhales legs."

Eric rolled his eyes. "Josh, you know that won't work."

Josh shrugged. They all looked at Castiel. "Well," Ezra smiled, "let's go do our jobs, huh?"

"Yeah!" Charlie cheered. "I mean, how hard can running the universe be?"

**.:To Be Continued:.**

Please state in your review, your favorite fourth season episode you want C.I.A. to crash


	8. Irrational

**Beta'd by the Warrior of WINchester: Platnium Rose Lady**

**Chapter Eight: Irrational**

In the beginning, Castiel had to make a quick trip down to the earth. He reassured Dean Winchester that yes, he had meant to save him and no, he wasn't going to go away, and lastly there was work to done.

And CIA saw it and it was good.

As it turns out, running the universe was quite hard. And while God was on some flat bread, doing God knows what; the angels of CIA did their best to keep everything together.

The demons for whatever reason, decided to step up from breaking peanut butter jar seals to apocalypse seals only one day after God had left the building. Aretha had to work at it, but she managed to keep the vengeance driven ghosts away.

Then in the second week, Charlie accidentally broke all the clocks and inadvertently sent several people back in time. John Wilkes Booth, who had been enjoying his coffee at a cyber cafe, but suddenly ended up in a theatre back in the 1860s (he was very upset, and even though his therapist had been working with him, he still lost his temper). Dean Winchester was also sent back in time, but luckily he only went back thirty odd years to 1973.

After that almost fiasco, Eliza jammed all the light bulbs casting Pennsylvania into black and white tones. Josh patiently went around trying to reinstate the correct lighting, but the most of the state remained in the grayscale for a week.

In between running the world they were also having regular one hour practice sessions to improve their team work. It was there, after Castiel left them to go do paper work that Eric, once more, complained about the unfair treatment he'd received in Hell.

"Dean Winchester threatened to tear off my wings." Eric growled. He reached into his duffle bag and pulled out a small vial. "He deserves this."

The other angels looked at him strangely. They were taking a break, lounging on the playing field among scattered sports equipment.

"What is it?" Charlie asked innocently reaching out to poke it.

"Don't touch it!" Eric pulled it away from her. "Do you guys remember why I'm in C.I.A.?"

Josh made oink-ing noises and laughed hysterically. "Cute." Eric said sarcastically. "But it's true. I used to be in charge of the room where they kept all the diseases. Like this."

He smiled down at the little vial. Inside it something grey twisted and squirmed. "They called it NCC-1701, but I prefer Scary Thing."

Aretha shrugged. "Why?"

Eric frowned. "Uh, because it makes people freak out about ghosts and stuff."

Eliza pointed at it. "I'm just gonna call it Ghost Sickness."

Charlie giggled. "Who's it for again?"

"Dean Winchester." Eric hissed. "Damn it all! Focus!"

Castiel walked back over to them, clutching a stack of papers. "Hey, if you guys are done for the day, do you think you could help me?"

"Sorry!" Eric smiled broadly. "We're already on a mission."

Aretha looked at her nails and whistled. Charlie smiled at their intrepid leader. "We're gonna go check on Dean now! Bye!"

Castiel shrugged. As they walked away he called, "Just because you're supposed to watch over doesn't mean you have to ogle!"

The girls sighed. Together, CIA walked out the front gate and floated down to Earth.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Aretha held out the pie. Eric took a deep breath and dumped the vial into it. He shrugged "That might have been too much… oh, well."

Charlie took the pie from him and set it down on the hood of the 1967 shinning Impala. She giggled. Josh rolled his eyes and they all disappeared to safe vantage point.

It did not take long for Dean to find the pie… or devour it. When he didn't start screaming immediately all angels present turned to Eric. "It just takes a minute to start working, okay?"

Josh leaned back in his lawn chair. He set down his empty pie plate. "Yeah, whatever Eric. You just keep talking, and I just hear blah, blah." Josh sat up suddenly, "Ohmigod! Is that a spider?"

Eliza glared at Josh. "Where did you get that pie?"

"And how come you didn't share?" Charlie whined.

Eric looked Josh over. "Yeah man, what's up?"

Josh scratched his arm nonchalantly. "I brought a spare pie, no worries."

"And where did you keep it genius?" Charlie crossed her arms over her chest.

"Right next to the other one." Josh wiped crumbs from his mouth. "I didn't want to lose it."

Eliza rolled her eyes. Aretha sighed. "Josh, darling," she walked over to him, "how are you feeling?"

Josh pointed to the spider on the wall. "Just a little nervous. I don't recognize if that's a poisonous spider or not."

Eric stood up. "Alright guys, looks we got a problem after all."

The garrison stood up and filed out. As they prepared to take flight, Josh tugged on Aretha's sleeve. "Wait, I'm scared of heights."

Charlie rolled her eyes. "Where are we headed anyway?"

Eric sighed. "Well, it's an old warehouse on the other side of town to see the Angel Disease Control Center got the sample from. I guess we can walk."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Luther held up the kitten in his arms and scratched the top of its head. He smiled as the kitten purred in his arms. He was a very happy ghost until the five angels stormed in. "Luther." Eric called.

Luther set his cat inside its bed that he had stored in one of the lockers. He lumbered over to the angels. "Yes?"

Josh fidgeted. "Dude you're fugly."

Luther frowned. Aretha walked over to him and patted his shoulder. "Josh," she hissed, "you hurt his feelings!"

Charlie rolled her eyes. "Luther!" she snapped "pay attention!"

Luther sniffled and looked up. Eric pointed at him, "It's time for you to nut up or shut up. Get to scaring it's what you're supposed to do."

Luther whimpered. "No you may not!" Eric shook his head. "Luther, you can play with cats later but you're a ghost, okay?"

Luther mumbled something mean and walked towards the door. He went off to find people to scare. Charlie watched him go. "What did that do exactly?"

Eric smiled proudly. "Now Sam can't blame us."

Aretha high-fived Eliza as they both screamed "YES!"

Josh looked at his feet. "I'm afraid this will still end up terribly wrong."

o-o-o-o-o

They walked morosely to the local diner. There they ordered a small lunch while they plotted Eric's revenge on Dean Winchester. Josh looked down at his lunch. "Do these tacos taste funny to you?"

Aretha threw her arm around him. "Josh, it's fine okay?"

Charlie snapped. "Hey! What if we throw a giant snake at him!"

Eric jotted it down on his napkin. "Oh that's a good one…"

Eliza swallowed her lunch. "I've got one- one word: Hell hounds."

The group looked at her excitedly. "Okay, here's what we do…" she started to explain, "tonight when Dean's out walking…"

Eric took notes eagerly.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Later that evening after Dean yelled at Sam, he walked off in a huff. Several streets ahead in an alley stood the angels.

Eliza snuggled the Yorkshire terrier in her arms. "Okay, you guys ready?"

Josh bit his lip. "Uh, I think so."

Charlie looked around the alley. "He's coming!"

Eliza set the dog down. She adjusted the bow in its hair and patted its head. "Okay, Kim go get him!"

The dog yipped happily. Eric looked at it. "What's taking it so long?"

Eliza glared at Eric. "Just give her a minute okay!"

Kim caught the sniff of Dean Winchester and snarled. Charlie clapped excitedly. The dog ran into the street and began to chase after its prey snarling. "She's so cute!" Eliza sighed.

In the distance, they heard Dean Winchester screaming in terror. Eric smiled happily. "Do not fuck with CIA."

Josh looked at them. "Guys? We should go inside, we might get hypothermia…"

Charlie looked at Eric. "Eric, I'm happy you got your revenge and all… but how do we fix Josh?"

Josh's eyes widened. "Am I gonna die?!"

Eric looked around. "Uh, yeah, I don't know. We better go see if Sam's found a way to deal with Luther yet."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

They listened carefully as Sam and Bobby planned to scare Luther to death. They followed on tip toe to the warehouse. They silently agreed to only be back up in case of emergency.

They watched in horror as Luther kicked Sam's ass. "Crap." Eric sighed. "Guys, circle around."

Josh, with only a flash light as his weapon, distracted Luther making the fat ghost wobble to the right. Sam didn't see them as he scrambled to his feet. He waved his arms attracting the ghost back to him.

Eliza hissed. "Guys! Regroup! We have to scare Luther!"

The sped through the creaking factory searching for Sam and Luther.

Sam was holding the cursed chain, looking for an opening, as Luther continued his advance, snarling. He stopped when he felt a tap on his shoulder spinning him around.

Facing him was Eliza, Josh, Charlie, Aretha, and Eric shoulder to shoulder with their arms crossed across their chest. Charlie, in the middle, leaned forward. She smiled dangerously, "Boo motherfucker."

Luther screamed. Sam took the opportunity to throw the enchanted chain around Luther's neck while he was petrified. The iron held fast as Bobby dragged the scared ghost to its death.

Eliza smiled. "That'll teach him."

Josh nodded. "That wasn't so scary."

Sam looked over at Bobby, who was driving the car in circles as a precautionary over kill, then back to the angels. "Who are you guys?"

Eric raised one eyebrow. "We? We, Sam Winchester, are the guys that saved your ass."

Eric snapped and they all disappeared.

Sam started to ask them a question, but it was too late. Bobby got out of his car and walked over to Sam. "Well son, looks like you and your brother got some talking to do."

"Yeah." Sam agreed, pulling out his cell phone. "We better call him and make sure that worked.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Back upstairs in their barracks Josh was back to his bubbly self. "I ain't scared of nothing!" he kept yelling.

Then Aretha jumped at him from behind, and he screamed. "Sorry baby," she kissed his cheek.

He blushed and stammered out something.

Charlie reached into her trunk and pulled out a case of beer. "Well," she sighed, "it looks like we learned something important today."

"Don't give Yorkshire terriers baths?" Eliza suggested taking a beer.

"No." Eric shook his head. "We can handle anything that happens."

"Great." Charlie rolled her eyes. "Now you've jinxed us."

Josh brushed his bangs from his eyes. "We'll see."

**To Be Continued**

Bonus Points Awarded to all the Trekkies that spazed and understood the one Trek refrence. Bonus Points awarded to anyone who can tell me EXACTLY what date Booth went to without using google (geek).


	9. Irregardless

**A/N: **I'm so sorry this is late! Massively late. I have about five other chapters done _excepet _the one that comes next. So if you want more, review with death threats for my muse. I hope to write something more and have it posted by Saturday or something.

Again, Sorry! Enjoy this chapter!

Episode we last finished: Yellow Eyed Fever  
Episode we're on: It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester/ Wishful Thinking

**Beta: enviousxbeauty**

**Chapter Nine: **Irregardless

Castiel looked down on earth and sighed. Uriel stood beside him. "You know what he's doing."

Castiel nodded.

Uriel followed Castiel's gaze. "And you know the seals are breaking. Why not let him have his powers? They seem useful enough."

"Because," Castiel glared at Uriel, "It's wrong. Are you ready to go?"

Uriel straightened his jacket. "Yeah. Let's go talk to those mud monkeys."

"You know I hate it when you call them that."

"What? It's true." Uriel snickered.

"Irregardless, it's still rude. I told C.I.A. we're going out for the day, so they should be fine while we leave." Castiel rolled his eyes and walked out the gate with Uriel following behind him.

"I can't wait to smite this town…" Uriel said wistfully as the gate closed.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The garrison cheered silently when Castiel left them unattended. He returned the next day silent and brooding. While they felt bad for their leader,they took this opportunity to have another relaxing day with no paperwork.

Eliza lay on her bunk blowing bubble gum. She relished how each pop seemed to annoy Eric a little more.

One bed over, Aretha and Josh sat next to each other. Aretha blushed. "Okay, I'll tell you something if you tell me something."

Josh bit his lip. "Hrm… I like to collect comic books."

Aretha threw her arms around Josh. "I love comics! I like to collect coins."

"Really?" Josh said sincerely as he wrapped his own arms around her.

She smiled and kissed his cheek. Pushing him off, she reached under her bed and withdrew the small red box. Opening it slowly she revealed her six coins. "It's not much," she said hastily, "but each one is special."

Josh's eyes widened at the coins. He picked one of the oldest coins and looked at Aretha. "What's this?"

She smiled. "It's my favorite. It's from Tiamat, the old chaos deity."

Josh nodded. "I knew him."

Aretha took the coin from him and looked at. "Me too. He was cool. But this is what he used to grant wishes."

"Cool!" Josh gave a goofy grin. "Have you ever used it before?"

Charlie tiptoed behind the two. Aretha and Josh sat cross-leggedon Aretha's cot, unsuspecting and unaware as Charlie raised her pillow. With a battle cry, she brought the pillow down. "PILLOW FIGHT!" she screamed.

The red box went flying and the coins were scattered. Tiamat's coin rolled along the floor, out the door, and into the drain where it fell out of the pipes and down to earth. it landed in Concrete, Washingtonin the hands of Wesley Mondale who eventually threw it into a well.

"Oopsie." Charlie said.

Aretha sobbed. Josh hugged her and glared at Charlie. "Charlie… no. You should go." He turned to Aretha. "It's okay, it's okay, we'll get your coin back!"

She looked up at him with watery eyes. "Promise?"

He kissed her forehead. "Promise."

Josh stood up and took her hand. "C'mon let's go together."

Eric looked up from his magazine _Scientific America _and raised one eyebrow. "Can I come?"

"Me too!" Charlie chirped. "I'm really sorry! I wanna help!"

Josh looked at Aretha, silently asking. Aretha looked at them. "Sure, we can all go."

Eliza swaggered into the room. "Hey guys, wanna go get beer with me?"

"We'll see Archie later," Eric gestured for her to come along, "but now we're gonna go crash Washington."

Eliza smiled. "Good. I've got unfinished business in Forks."

Aretha rubbed her eyes. "Okay, we can make a pit stop when I've got my coin back."

The team quickly got ready and flew down to Earth.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

They landed in the town square. The streets were paved; the store fronts cheery and yet there was little motion. Seldom few moved about the quiet town.

Eric looked around. "Does something seem off here?"

Eliza shrugged. "It's just a typical small town."

Charlie shook her head. "It's more than that… there's a strange magic here."

Aretha blinked owlishly. "No," she breathed.

"What?" Josh looked around. "It doesn't seem so bad here."

Aretha looked at them;she looked at the newspaper holder. She pointed to the headline, _Man Wins Million-Dollar Jackpot. _"No, guys… the coin- it was chaos magic."

Eric groaned. "Seriously?"

Aretha nodded. Charlie buried her face in her hands. "Cas is gonna kill us." 

Josh started to hyperventilate. Eric sighed. "Josh. Breathe. Look, everyone- it's simple. Let's split up and just find the coin, okay?"

Charlie looked around at them. "Alright, Eliza and I are gonna go scout around the edges of town."

Eliza took a step towards Charlie and gave a military salute. "Roger."

Josh threw his arm around Aretha. "We're gonna go to the middle of the town."

Eric glared darkly at them. "Fine. I'm going to go …the opposite direction, I guess."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Charlie and Eliza giggled as they ran through the outskirts of town. Charlie froze in terror when she looked down at the ground. She pointed a shaky hand to the enormous paw prints. "What is that?"

Eliza's eyes widened. "Sasquatch!"

"Please." Charlie rolled her eyes. "That was just Archie being a jerk. Again."

Eliza shrugged. "True. Shall we follow the tracks?"

Charlie nodded energetically. They wound around the forest, past a vandalized grocery store, to a small house in suburbia. Eliza held Charlie back when they watched two familiar figures walk out of the house. "Winchesters." Charlie hissed. 

Eliza glanced at her. "Shh! They'll know we're here!"

They waited until the coast was clear then approached the door. Charlie knocked hesitantly. "Yes?" A young voice called. "Are you guys back so soon?"

Audrey opened the door and glared up at the two angels. "You're not Teddy Bear Doctors."

Charlie kneeled down and smiled sweetly at Audrey. "Actually, the Doctors sent us to stay with Teddy…"

"While I'm at Mrs. Hurley's?" Audrey said suspiciously.

Eliza nodded, hoping she was saying the right thing. "Sure. With your sick… Teddy."

Audrey sighed. "Good. I was worried. Will the Doctors be back to cure his lollipop disease?"

Charlie shared a questioning glance with Eliza before she replied. "Of course." She smiled sweetly.

After that, Audrey showed them to Teddy's room and then she left with strict care instructions. "And remember," she stubbornly repeated, "you are not to give him more than two biscuits at tea time." With that, she left.

Eliza watched her go before turning to Charlie. "Well?"

"Should we?"

"We came this far." Eliza pushed the door open.

On the bed, rocking back and forth as he sipped his bottle of Jack, was a six foot tall teddy bear with red eyes and a crimson bow around its neck.

"Who the hell are you?" The bear growled.

"I'm Eliza and this is…" Eliza stammered.

"I'm Charlie!" her cohort squeaked.

"Well leave me the hell alone!" The bear took another swig of his whiskey.

"Look," Eliza said trying to breathe calmly, "we just want to help…"

"Why? There's no point to life!" The bear sobbed. He stood up and walked to his chalkboard. He scribbled furiously with the last broken piece of chalk.

"What are you writing?" Charlie asked tentatively tiptoeing forward.

The bear turned around and threw down his whiskey. He pointed a vicious paw at the message he had scrawled. "You are witnesses to the fact that there is no god."

He picked up his gun. Shock had frozen Eliza in place, until now. She ran forward to stop the bear, but it was too late. He pulled the trigger sending fluff flying all over his message: _Life is meaningless. T. Bear. _

o-o-o-o-o-o

Meanwhile, Josh and Aretha were enjoying the downtown boutiques. After their brisk walk, they stumbled into aChinese restaurant for lunch, Lucky Chin's. Josh spotted the wishing well and pulled out a penny excitedly. He jumped up to inspect the stone well. It seemed harmless until…

"Aretha!" he yelled.

"What?" She set down her chopsticks and walked over to him. Aretha looked down into the well in front of him. "My coin!" she gasped. "But… that means this is a _real _wishing well!"

"Do you think it works?" Josh asked mischievously.

"Only one way to find out." Aretha said eyeing his penny. "Go for it."

Josh threw his penny into the wishing well and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He opened one eye hesitantly and looked around. Aretha tapped her foot, "Well? What did you wish for?"

Disappointment began to set in as he suddenly heard screams. He looked out the restaurant window and smiled happily. "Aretha, come look!" he screamed joyfully as he ran outside. "It's Rebecca!"

On the sidewalk, to many pedestrians' dismay, flopped one rather large narwhale. Josh ran to her side and hugged her. "I'm so sorry about the taco. I promise I won't let it happen again." He pet her horn. "Rebecca! I've missed you!"

The narwhale continued to flop around, gasping for breath. She moaned,which Josh took to mean, "_I have missed you too! And don't worry, I like tacos but I promise not to choke on them any more. I will never leave you again."_

In all actuality, Rebecca was desperately trying to convey: Water! Damnit! I need water!

Rebecca continued to flop in his arms. Quite suddenly, all motion ceased, and her face fell flat.

"Rebecca?" Josh asked timidly. He brushed back his blonde bangs to get a better look. He poked at her beautiful silver hide. "Rebecca?"

Realization dawned. He shook his fists at the sky, "! REBECCA!"

He rocked back and forth on his knees, not letting go of his old friend. "I'm going to make that bastard pay for throwing his wishing coin."

Aretha, who had stood mute in the doorway of the restaurant until now, was at his side. "It's gonna be okay…"

He looked up at her with a soft smile. She cupped his face in her hands and brushed his tears aside. With a kiss on her cheek she whispered, "I'm here."

She helped him up to his feet. With one last look atpavement, he stormed off with Aretha to find the group, leaving Rebecca (narwhale, formerly) on the sidewalk.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Eliza took the paw of the fallen bear and helped him to his feet. "I care about your feelings, you brave little solider. You're too precious for this world."

The bear sobbed. His whole body trembled, making more of the fluff fall out of the gaping holein his head. "I tried so hard! Audrey never understood me the way you do!"

Eliza yanked back her hand, starting to feel slightly awkward. Charlie patted the bear's shoulder. "It's okay, we're here now."

Eliza stood up and erased the _Goodbye Cruel World _from the chalkboard. Charlie smiled. "Now, Mr. Bear we were wondering…"

He looked up at her with large red eyes. "Y-y-yes?"

"Can you help us with something?"

He sniffed. "What?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Eric glared at the sidewalk as he walked down the street with his shoulders hunched. He inadvertently walked into an angry twelve-year-old named Todd. "Watch yourself!" he grumbled before storming away. Todd stood there dumbly for a minute before deciding that was the laststraw: he would be bullied no more. He headed towards the Chinese restaurant where, rumor had it, there was a wishing well.

As Eric turned the corner,he nearly ran into Aretha and Josh. "Report." He said glumly.

Josh wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. "Well," he said, "we found the coin."

"But," Aretha avoided Eric's eyesight, "it's already been cast."

"Which means?" Eric prompted.

"Only the original whisher can take out the coin." Josh said. "And I really want to catch the bastard."

Aretha patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll get him."

"Good work." Eric smiled, despite his abandonment issues. "Let's go find what Charlie and Ezra are up to."

Charlie and Eliza strolled up beside them. "Hey guys." Eliza giggled.

Charlie snickered and pulled fluff from Eliza's hair. She flicked it aside and turned to face them. "Do anything productive?"

"We found the wishing well." Josh said glumly. "And the wishing coin. …but not the wish caster."

Charlie brightened. "A real wishing well? Can I use it? I need to undo what I did to Pluto…"

Eliza tapped her shoulder. "Charlie! Focus! Remember what we learned?"

Charlie blushed. "Oh…So, we found a giant teddy bear…."

"Huge." Eliza clarified.

"And he told us," Charlie continued, "who the first wisher was."

"You trust a bear?" Aretha gasped.

"No." Eliza huffed. "He was drunk off his ass. We went to the library to double check what he said and…"

"Oh this is good!" Charlie squealed.

"Let me tell it!" Eliza glared.

Charlie mumbled, "Sorry."

"Anyway-"

"The Winchesters were there making the exact same discovery!" Charlie announced. "Wesley Mondale wished for some hot chick to love him!"

Eliza glared. Charlie merely shrugged. "What?"

Aretha beamed. "Alright!"

Josh cracked his knuckles. "Can we go kick his ass?"

Eric nodded. "Sure, of course, but I want to make a quick stop at the whishing for a second."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel looked down on the paper work and grumbled. He was still mad as hell at Uriel for dicking around in the town last week, when he'd been working his ass off trying to stop Samhain from rising.

As he scratched his pen against his paper, he idly wondered what C.I.A. was up to. They'd been getting better lately, sure, and the team was better than ever, ut they still had work to do, and what if there was emergency they couldn't be off--

_Ping_

A newly formed ferret ran in confused circles on top of the angel's desks. It flapped its small black wings and barred its teeth.

Castiel spurred his wings into frenzy, and his miniaturized form took flight as he spat curses.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Wesley looked at Hope. She smiled adoringly at him. He grimaced as she touched his shoulders, caressed his face and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. "Oh Wes," she chirped, "I cannot wait to marry you and be with you and do everything you want for ever and ever…"

"As you wish." He said half-heartedly.

She looked up, as there was a knock on the door. "Oh my!" She declared, "I'll go see who that is!"

As soon as she left the room, Wesley slumped a little lower in his armchair. He frowned to himself as he mused his wedding to Hope. He loved her, sure, and the sex was great but he was starting to get slightly unnerved by her constant devotion. It was distracting, and somewhat irksome. He looked up as he heard a commotion coming from the main hall. Hope was greeting someone. Wesley straightened his glasses as he waited for her to come in.

"Oh Wes," Hope smiled as she walked into the living room, "you didn't tell me the caterers were coming over!"

Wesley sat up in his armchair and looked at the five assorted angels in disguise.

Josh cracked his knuckles and glared. Eric looked at Hope, and smiled thinly. "Hope, be a dear and fix us a snack while we talk to Wesley."

"Wes." He cleared his throat.

Eliza glared him into silence. Hope batted her eyelashes. "Okay, I'll be right back!"

She disappeared into the kitchen to whip something together for her one true, magically inspired,love.

Josh watched her leave and turned to face Wesley. "You ever seen a narwhale? They're fucking majestic."

"Wh-wh-what?" Wesley stammered, suddenly feeling very threatened.

Aretha patted his shoulder. "Take a deep breath, darling. It's okay."

Charlie smiled dangerously at Wesley. "You took something of ours."

"A coin." Aretha explained. "A very special coin, and you threw it in a wishing well."

"I didn't…" Wesley held up his hands defensively. "I don't know what coin…"

Eric shook his head. "You know Wesley, in fact…"

At that precise moment, Hope looked up as she remembered faintly that she'd left the window in the front room open. Thinking nothing of it, she continued to prepare the roasted vegetables. Meanwhile, a small ferret, at roughly 150 mile per hour, hurtled at the shut window and fell down in the petunias, effectively flattening the gorgeous garden. Squirming, Castiel straightened himself and hovered to the window, on the second try it entered the house through the open window that was next to the closed one.

Charlie screamed as a hopping mad ferret flew into the room, chirping as it flew in circles and then dive-bombed Eric. Cut off mid sentence, Eric waved his arms franticly trying to defend his face. Josh reached out and grabbed the ferret with one hand. He held the squirming ferret in his arms and turned back to Wesley deadpan. "You are going to stop the wishes and remove the wishing coin from the well. No questions." Josh held up the ferret and shook it in front of Wesley's face. "Or I will let this ferret eat your face."

Wesley nodded.

Eliza looked at theferret. "Josh, does that ferret look familiar to you?"

Josh squinted at the splotchy blue-eyed ferret."Maybe…" He looked up at Eric. "What did you wish for?"

Eric grinned mischievously. "Archie would be proud."

Wesley was shaking in his chair. "Are- Is the- Can I be alone now?"

"No." Josh snapped turning to look at him. "We're taking you to the well."

Wesley picked up his newspaper, and stood up. He pushed his glasses up his nose and sniffed. "And why should I go with you?"

The ferret squealed. Charlie started to retort, but stopped short. She snatched the newspaper from his hand. "What are you doing with my paper?" Wesley hissed, holding his finger tenderly as the paper cut bleed slightly.

Charlie looked at the paper. She reread the article that caught her attention again. She turned to Eliza and pointed to it. Eliza showed it to Eric. Eric passed it to Aretha. Aretha held it in front of Josh and the ferret still clutched in his hands. The ferret began to trill.

Josh breathed, "She's alive?"

Wesley fumed. "What the hell is this!?"

Eric stood toe to toe with Wesley. "You are going to undo that wishing spell. And when you wake up, you will forget we were here." Before Wesley could protest, Eric touched his forehead and he slumped back into his armchair asleep.

Eric looked at the team. "I'm sure the Winchesters will be here shortly."

"What about my coin?" Aretha protested.

He pointed to the newspaper. "We need to discuss _that. _So let's go."

They all nodded solemnly, and disappeared. Hope walked into the room holding a huge round plate that held a small roasted chicken on it, vegetables, and rice. "Wesley? Wesley?"

He woke up suddenly, and looked at Hope strangely. He was unnerved even more so when he saw the huge plate of food.

"Were you sleeping?" she said innocently.

He paused before he answered, wondering to himself what had just happened. He remembered faintly, something to do with a ferret.

Shortly afterward, there was a knock on the door. It was the florists- One short, one tall, both very angry florists.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel's Inept Angels marched into their barracks. There was a soft _ping _and the ferret's fur began to fall off as it went bald. Josh held the ferret at an arm's length. "I told you guys the wishes went bad."

Eliza held out her hands. "Josh you need to stop man-handling Castiel. He's gonna be pissed."

Eric cleared his throat. He held up the newspaper. It was open to the middle section, folded into quarters and the small headline read: _Anna Milton Escapes from Asylum. _Next to the article was a picture of the disheveled redhead, looking discontent and lost. "Anna's alive."

Charlie took the paper from him and squinted at the picture. "But how can we be sure?"

There was another ping noise and the ferret that Eliza had been stroking in her arms suddenly changed into Castiel. He stood next to her, dared her to say anything, and straightened the creases in his shirt. "Well," Castiel said with shaky timbre (he wasn't quite adjusted to the transformation yet), "we could go talk to her for one."

Josh smiled mischievously. "Sounds like a plan."

Aretha looked at Castiel. "So the wishing well is gone?"

Castiel turned to her. "Clearly."

She frowned. Josh consoled her. Eliza snapped. "Hey, wait a minute- I never got to stop in Forks…"

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Fine. First, we'll go to Forks… Then we'll go find Anna."

Eric nodded and rolled up the newspaper. "Let's get going then."

**.:To Be Continued:.**

Postscript: They did make a pit stop in Forks. As a result, literacy rates in the country went up, the Winchesters were spared a rather messy vampire hunt, and Eric couldn't get glitter off his skin for a week.


	10. Illegitimate

beta: Platnium Rose Lady

Okay, so I said Saturday. But it's Monday. From now on, I'm making a goal to update every Monday. As I catch up more, the updates will become quicker I promise.

Episode: I Know What You Did Last Summer

**Chapter Ten: Illegitimate**

Alistair was busily sexting when Lilith called. Sexting was one of the few forms of entertainment left in Hell that was not entirely violent. Knowing Lilith though, he was positive she wouldn't understand be ignored for his favorite pastime. Of course, he thought sullenly, she'd probably forgotten what it was like to be Hell. She was upstairs having _fun. _ "Hey, what's up?" He asked casually as he opened the phone.

Lilith twirled her long brown hair and chewed her bubble gum thoughtfully. "Hey, Al. I'll keep it short, receptions not so good twixt Earth and Hades."

"Sure." Alistair nodded leaning back in his office chair. He drummed his fingers on his rotten desk impatiently.

Lilith took a deep breath. "Look, Al we're having some issues up here… and… well…"

Alistair smiled. "Yes?" He knew how much Lilith hated asking for help; she had absolutely been furious when Azazel opened the gate. After she was free, she spent the first month on earth telling anyone who would listen that she would've gotten herself out (in due time). He set down the knife he'd been playing with and leaned forward in his chair. "Did you want to ask me something Lilly?"

"Don't be an ass, Al." Lilith growled. "I'm trying to ask for your help, god dammint."

Alistair smirked. _Success. _"With what?" he said, acting disinterested.

"There's a girl who can speak angel." Lilith said flatly. "She can hear everything they talk about on their little radio."

"What?" Alistair jumped to his feet. "Lilly, you better not be fucking with me."

"I am not!" She protested.

Alistair began to pace. "What do you expect me to do?"

"You're the best torturer we got…"

"Of course." Alistair smiled fondly.

"Oh don't be so full of yourself." Lilith snapped. "But we need someone to torture her."

"Be right up." Alistair said as he hung up the phone. He looked sadly at his unfinished text message and decided Amber could wait. He grabbed his best knife and walked out of Hell disguised as a Janitor. No one questioned his vaudeville moustache, and another demon went out scott free.

Jake Williams was a pediatrician who liked children, and enjoyed his job. After Alistair took control of his meat suit and killed all witness in the lobby, he couldn't help but agree. Children were fun. Straightening his tie, Alistair walked towards the door. He opened up his cell phone and dialed quickly. "Lilly?" He asked. "I'm here."

"Already?" Lilith gasped.

"Well yeah." Alistair looked around the body filled doctor's office. "And I'm bored. Tell me where you are so I can torture the bitch."

"Uh," Lilith looked down at her feet and blushed. She stammered into the phone. "See, here's the thing…"

Alistair was flabbergasted. "You mean you don't actually have her yet?" Alistair rolled his eyes. "It's like I have to do everything myself."

"Shut up Al." Lilith said furious. "I don't need your help finding the girl or starting the apocalypse!"

Alistair stepped into the elevator and pressed the down button. He sighed as the elevator began to move slowly. "Fine. Whatever you say, Lilly. Just tell me you have some idea where the girl is and I'll go pick her up for you."

"Flee hop, Alabama." Lilith said sullenly. "Her name is Anna Milton."

"I'm on it." Alistair said snapping his phone shut.

Lilith frowned as he hung up. She dialed another number quickly. "Hey? Yeah, of course it's me. Tell me you have a lead on that red hair trash. …Good. … Go play your part for the Winchesters."

Lilith tapped her foot as the other end chattered. "Okay, yeah. Of course I'm listening." She said half heartedly. "Report back to me later. Bye." She slammed the phone shut with a malicious grin.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel brushed aside the assorted empty bottles, Eliza's hair brush, loose papers, and one pink bunny to clear off the table. He threw down the map he had brought with him and stuck one finger to the middle of the paper. "I think she's here."

Eric looked flabbergasted. "Alabama?"

Castiel shrugged. "It's where they put the crazies."

"Even if they're not crazy." Charlie sighed.

Josh crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. "So what's the game plan?"

Castiel smirked. "Eliza's gonna go pick her up."

Eliza stopped filing her nails and looked up. "I am?" Castiel glared, and she cleared her throat. "I am." She said with more certainty.

Castiel tossed her her coat. "Go, get on it."

Eliza gave a mocking salute. "I'll call you guys when I meet up with Anna."

Eric tossed her a radio as she walked out the door. She paused in the door way and caught it. "It's for CIA only." Eric smiled as he tapped his head. "I thought of it earlier."

Eliza gave the thumbs up and disappeared. After she left, Aretha looked over the map and then up at Castiel. "You know, I'm just as excited to see Anna as you are, but why are you being so precautious about this?"

Castiel rolled up the map and took a deep breath. "You guys remember that party we had?"

Josh scratched his head. "That was ages ago." He smiled. "But it was fun."

Eric frowned. "I remember it, vaguely."

"Because you were wasted." Aretha snorted.

"Exactly." Castiel said. "You guys were drunk. And someone had a camera."

"No!" Charlie squeaked in a horrified whisper.

Castiel tapped the map against the table. "I told you morons not to party so much. Anna's got those tapes. Not just then, but your other parties, too. And those tapes have got to stay confidential."

"How can I help?" Eric said stepping up.

o-o-o-o-o-o

In Heaven, the main communications station was experiencing a slight employee shortage. The current officer in charge of the radio had a twisted sense of humor. In the time he wasn't conveying messages in between garrisons, he played music that he deemed, and I shudder to say this, 'good.'

Anna Milton tilted her head to the side and grimaced. She froze in her tracks as she listened to the change in the Angel radio that played in her head. It was the all 80's lunch hour. She stuck her tongue out as she heard Rick Springfield croaking out Jessie's Girl. Anna contemplated, once more, killing someone for some decent music. Even Kansas would be nice, or Metallica.

Anna stopped thinking that to herself and continued to walk down the road. She was, as she reminded herself, a good Christian girl who had been raised right for the past twenty something years to be an upstanding citizen of a normal, everyday life. And yet, as she said those facts again they seemed terribly wrong. There was a soft thunk behind her. She whirled around and threw up her arms in a warrior defense before she could even remember where she'd learned those moves.

Eliza stood up and brushed her red hair from her face. She smiled at Anna and waved. "Oh my god, I'm so glad to you see alive!" Eliza chattered. "Castiel sent me to escort you back to our garrison so we can--"

"Who the hell are you?" Anna growled.

Eliza tilted her head and regarded Anna curiously. "What's the matter?"

"Let's see," Anna said sarcastically, "I've just been nearly kidnapped, escaped from an insane asylum and now a random stranger is coming out to me on the road pretending to know me."

"Well…" Eliza stammered.

Anna threw her hands in the air. "I think the world's crazy not me!"

Suddenly, the communication's officer switched the station to an old Phil Collin's song. Anna fell to the ground, grasping the sides of her head as she cried out in pain. Eliza ran to her side and bent down on her knee. "Ann," Eliza shook her shoulder, "Are you okay? Tell me what's wrong!"

"Get off me!" Anna pushed her aside. "I just want to go home!"

Eliza pointed up to the clouds. "That's where I want to take you…"

Anna looked at Eliza as if Eliza had a banana growing out of her ear, and was covered in purple spots. "My home," Anna patiently explained to the strange woman, "is in East Kempton Hills!"

Eliza rolled her eyes. "Look, just let out your wings and we can fly."

"Why don't you understand?!" Anna started to stand up slowly. "I don't know you. I don't want to go with you. And I'm pretty sure you should take my place back at the institution."

Eliza frowned. "Anna…" She shook her head. "Look, let me just take you some place safe, okay?"

Anna started to walk off. "Where?"

Eliza walked behind her. "My Father's house." Eliza blushed. "Well, one of them."

Anna snapped. "I've got a better idea. My dad preaches at a Church. I'm going there."

"That's what I meant," Eliza muttered as she escorted Anna down the road.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Eliza made sure Anna was comfortable in the Church before she stepped outside. She pulled out her walkie-talkie that only CIA had a frequency on and spoke. "This is Eliza to base. Come in."

"Hey!" Charlie's chipper tone came over loud and clear. "What's up?"

"Yeah," Josh whined over the intercom. "Are you going to come up here anytime soon? We wanna see Anna."

"That's the thing…" Eliza took a deep breath. "She doesn't know jack shit about angels."

"What?" Charlie gasped. In the background Eliza heard a scuffle as everyone gathered around the walkie-talkie.

"Charlie, give it to me…"

"No, I had it first!"

"Charlie! This is important!"

"Get off!"

"Stop tickling!"

There was a crash and a thud, and Eliza felt this was the appropriate time to wince. "Erm, is anyone there?"

Castiel smoothed his hair and picked up the walkie-talkie as the remnants of the pillow fluff fell to the ground. "Castiel, here. Where are you with Anna, then?"

"Alabama, at her Father's church." Eliza said looking up at the tall building behind her.

"Okay." Castiel looked at the dizzy and bewildered angels around him. "I'll send down Eric and Josh to help you stand guard."

"Can't wait." Eliza smiled. "I'll be inside with Anna."

"Over and out." Castiel acknowledged before clicking off the walkie-talkie.

Eliza walked back inside to see Anna. Anna was sitting in the top floor of the church, looking out the large glass windows. "Beautiful, isn't it?" Anna remarked as she traced her fingers along the stained glass pattern.

"Yeah it is." Eliza said standing beside her.

Anna looked up at Eliza. "Do you think my Dad will forgive? After all this?"

Eliza smiled. "I'm sure he will."

Eliza looked at down at the ground and saw two angels glide into an impressive landing. "Show offs." She muttered.

"What?" Anna turned to look at her.

"Nothing." Eliza shook her head. "I'll be right back. I left a book in the car."

Eliza walked out just as Anna called back, "But we walked!" Anna watched the door slam shut and muttered, "Crazy."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Eliza walked outside and greeted Eric and Josh. "So, guys," She leaned forward conspiratorially, "What's the real reason we've gotta protect Anna?"

Josh whistled and looked upwards, suddenly fascinated with a taco shaped cloud. Eric looked at his feet and muttered, "Nothing."

Eliza kicked Josh in the shin. He whimpered and fell down onto one knee. She looked at Eric and raised one eyebrow. "Guys. Tell me. Don't keep me out of the loop."

"Ow! Eliza!" Josh held his leg. "We're not supposed to say _here._"

Eric held up his hands defensively. "You know. People could be listening."

"Sorry, sorry," she quickly apologized. "If we go into the back of the church will it be okay?"

Josh and Eric looked at each other briefly. "I suppose that'll work," Josh said bobbing his head. He gestured with his hand and the three of them headed into the church just as a shiny 1967 black Chevy Impala pulled up.

The Winchesters sat in their car and looked up. "Are you sure, Sam?" Dean grunted, not pleased to be hunting after this Anna girl.

Sam pointed to Anna's sketch book. "Yeah, this should be it."

Dean grunted and turned off his car. "Make sure you have the knife and let's go in."

As Sam and Dean piled out of the car and went into the church, the three angels piled out. "Oh!" Eliza was nodding. "It all makes sense. I thought those tapes had been burned and-"

"Eliza!" Josh hissed. Eric sighed deeply.

"Oh right," Eliza blushed. She leaned against the door frame. "Well, let's hope nothing happens until Castiel figures out a way to get her mojo back."

Eric yawned. "Yeah. I'm bored already."

As they talked, a silver convertible pulled up in front of the church. Josh stood a little straighter. "Amen," he said with a low whistle. Eric also eyed the flashy vehicle appreciatively.

The door opened and out stepped Alistair. He smiled and took off his sunglass. After tossing them into the front seat, he slammed the door shut. Alistair looked up at the church and began to walk forward. With one look, and Eliza, Josh and Eric could see his demon soul shine through.

Josh cleared his throat. "Stop! You may not enter!"

Eric nodded fiercely. "No demons allowed."

Alistair looked at them and frowned. "I'm sorry kids, but the grown ups are going to play and you are not invited."

Josh looked at Alistair a little closer. Wide-eyed and horrified he turned to Eric. "When we were in Hell, I hit him with a taco," he hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

Alistair smiled sinisterly as he cracked his knuckles. "If you know what's good for you, you'll just leave."

Erick looked from Alistair to Josh. He leaned closer to him and whispered. "I think he remembers."

"Shit!" Josh muttered as he snapped furiously, trying to summon magic. "We've got to get Anna and _go._"

"Oh, I don't think so." Alistair snapped his fingers and the angels froze in shock as his demon magic surprised them with its solid hold. "You're not going anywhere until I get some answers."

Eliza struggled as she felt Alistair exerting his invisible powers. "You bastard," she hissed, "What could you possibly want from Anna?"

Alistair tilted his head to the side. "There are larger things at hand, little girl, than videos of a drunk angel." He stood closer to Eliza and held her chin as he bluffed. "But they were hysterical, by the way."

"Do you just live to talk?" Josh snapped. He twisted, willing himself to be free.

Eric said nothing. He glared as he brooded on the best way to thoroughly kick Alistair's smug ass. Alistiar looked at the three of them. "No, actually. Your blonde friend's right. I've got a job to do."

Alistair waved his hand. "Au Revoir."

The three angels were thrown backwards into the trees bordering the church. As they stumbled for a moment, they got back onto their feet. "Damnit," Eliza shook her fist in the air.

Josh brushed leaves off his sleeves and muttered dark obscenities, something about the curse of the Narwhale, and bits of Latin. Eric marched towards the church, "C'mon guys, we've got to go help Anna…"

Above them, the glass to main window shattered. Dean and Sam began to fall through the window. Josh looked up wide eyed. Squeezing his eyes shut he snapped. Time froze suddenly as he cautiously opened one eye. Eric looked at him. "Neat trick."

Josh grinned. "I've been working at it."

Eliza smiled. "Should we put a pillow under them?"

Josh shrugged. "Nah." He ran into the church. "There isn't any time to waste."

As they entered the church, Josh snapped. Outside they heard a crunch and semi-inaudible scream that didn't sound very manly. Josh picked up a small statue as they tip toed up the stairs. "Anna?" Eric called out in a whisper.

"Anna?" Eliza said lifting up a curtain.

Ruby and Anna had, unbeknownst to them, walked out the back door approximately five minutes ago. Alistair was walking down the stairs, cursing vehemently when he ran into Eric. They crashed into each other and fell rolling down the stairs.

Josh heard the calamity, and quickly side stepped them as they fell. He looked at Eliza, who was starring at them open mouthed. "Should we help them?"

"Huh." Eliza's brows scrunched up in concentration as she hesitated. "I don't know, he's got the proper technique…"

"HELP!" Eric yelled out as he clawed at Alistair.

"Shit!" Josh jumped into motion. He waved his arm and sent Alistair flying against the wall. He smirked, "I'm not frozen anymore Alistair. Now you can see what I can really do."

"If only." Alistair said curtly. "But I don't have time for this."

Alistair opened his mouth, and flew away in a cloud of black smoke. Eric ran to the unconscious form of Jake Williams. "He's dead." Eric frowned.

"Then leave it." Eliza said as she pulled her hair back. "Let's go back to Castiel."

"I cannot believe we lost her…" Eric shook his head as they headed out.

Josh looked over at the body. He wondered briefly what Alistair had meant when he'd said that 'there were larger things at hand.' Josh looked up as he heard his name called, and went to catch up with Eric and Eliza.

Later, they'd regret leaving that body. But for now, they only knew they regretted letting Alistair get away.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel looked at them. "You WHAT?"

Eliza blushed. Eric started to gesture with his hands, "But you see..."

Charlie grimaced. "Do you even realize how hard I've been looking for a way to help Anna? Now I'll never know if it works!" She tossed her notes in the air and huffed.

Castiel looked at Charlie. "We're going to find her." He said slowly. "You may want to clean that up."

Aretha resisted laughing at Eric. "We found her once, shouldn't be too hard to do again. Especially with demons after her."

Castiel nodded. "I'm going to go talk to Uriel." The group groaned. "Guys," Castiel reassured, "He's not that bad. You should give him a chance. Anyway, I'll go see if he and I can go visit her."

Castiel left them with explicit instructions to figure out exactly what the demons wanted to talk to Anna about, and to try and find her grace. Crossing his fingers, he put on his best trench coat and walked out.

He met up with Uriel. Uriel of course, suspected those "spineless mud monkeys the Winchesters." With Uriel at his side they marched down to Earth and found the old abandoned shack the Winchesters were using. As it turned out, Anna was with them.

"We're for Anna," Castiel said simply as they entered the room, "We need to talk."

"She needs to die." Uriel added off hand.

The tension in the room became considerably more awkward.

**.:To Be Continued:.**

**... guess where the tape is...**


	11. Immobile

**I just want to say Thank You to those of you that have managed to stay with me on this story. I appreciate your infinte patience.  
Disclaimer: CIA is mine, but everything else is Krpkie's. That mignificent bastard. **

**Episode: Heaven and Hell**

**  
Previously On: **

Alistair tilted his head to the side. "There are larger things at hand, little girl, than videos of a drunk angel." He stood closer to Eliza and held her chin as he bluffed. "But they were hysterical, by the way."

**Chapter Eleven: **Immobile

Archie leaned forward and tapped your computer glass, flashed a dazzling smile and winked at you. Chuck slapped him upside the head. "I told you not to acknowledge fanfiction!" he hissed. "They're not real writers!"

Archie threw one more longing glance your way then turned to glare at Chuck. "As if you're any better."

Chuck scowled. "Why don't you go read a book or something?"

Rolling his eyes, Archie slumped away from the fourth wall. He went up to his bedroom. Technically speaking, the room had been Chuck's office. There were still stacks of papers and two looming book cases to prove it. Within five minutes of being there Archie had promptly moved the desk and computer downstairs, claiming the room as his. (He also claimed several of Chuck's finer bottles of whiskey, but that was still up for discussion.)

He slammed the door shut and looked around. His charge wasn't in trouble and his charge was incredibly boring. As he sulked, Archie rummaged through his duffle bag. He hadn't brought much with him from home, but he did bring a few things. As he pushed aside his book he discovered something he hadn't noticed before: a video tape.

Curious, he popped it into the old TV perched on top of his dresser. Archie sat down on his bed and watched as the video began to play. At first, he assumed the video was a surprise gift for him. He wasn't sure how else to explain the images he saw of Eliza scribbling on Eric's wings in sharpie, Josh's drunken Narwhale rambles, and generally party antics of his old garrison.

But then, the images turned to static for a brief second. Next, a hand and a curvaceous green t-shirt covered torso was adjusting the camera's angle. Archie leaned forward as the person on the film pulled away.

He gasped as he saw it was Anna.

Anna tucked her hair behind her ear and looked off camera. She was worried, it seemed, that someone would interrupt her. She turned back to the camera and took a deep breath. "Look, Castiel I know I've said a lot of shit about you garrison… but I think your team is the only one I can trust."

Archie looked up and made sure he was alone. He swung his head back to the television screen to stare with saucer wide eyes. Anna continued, "The other angels- Zach and Uriel- they're up to something. They haven't been the same since we all got back from Hell." She blushed slightly as she rushed her next words. "I know I've been threatening to blackmail you with this for awhile… but look, I'm sorry." Anna took a deep breath. "Things are getting serious Castiel, I'm gonna talk to God after the party tonight. But I thought I ought to tell you first. I'm storing my extra grace in Union, Kentucky. In case anything happens, make sure to pass the word. Something's up."

The video went to static then switched to an old blurry shot of Archie balancing on a chair doing a party trick. Archie quickly shut the tape off. He ejected the take from the VCR and walked down the stairs. Chuck looked up from his computer and regarded Archie curiously. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"You figure it out." Archie snapped, tapping the side of his skull. "I'll be back later."

Before Chuck could reply, Archie was out the front door. It slammed shut and Chuck frowned.

He hadn't glimpsed the future yet, but he knew it was bad.

o-o-o-o-o-o

"Fuck!" Castiel threw down his trench coat and loosened his tie. He was bright red, and his eyes were a sharp blue. "I cannot believe she did that!"

Uriel laughed humorlessly. "The bitch always did have a flair for the dramatic."

Castiel whipped around and pointed his finger menacingly at Uriel. "Shut the hell up, Uriel. This is your damn fault for telling them we were gonna kill her." Castiel walked away from Uriel towards his bunker. He froze and threw one last word at Uriel. "I'm gonna talk to my garrison, but I'll see you later."

"And then we'll kill her." Uriel said cheerfully as he waved Castiel goodbye. Castiel ignored his comment and continued to walk away.

Castiel stormed into his garrison and did a double take. "What the hell are you doing here?" he growled.

Archie waved the tape arrogantly. "Just seemed like you guys needed help doing your jobs."

Castiel snatched the tasted from Archie and inspected it. "What is this?" He asked as he turned it over in his hand. "Is it Anna's tape?"

"Yep." Archie grinned. "Play it."

Eliza blushed. "No, no, I don't think we need to see _that."_

Archie winked at her. "Eliza, any time you wanna try that on me when I'm sober, you're more than welcome to."

Castiel coughed loudly. Archie smirked. "Just trust me Castiel." His face took on a more somber expression. "It's important."

Castiel raised one eyebrow but put he reluctantly summoned an old TV and VCR player. They gathered around as the TV began to play. The first image was of Eric singing Irish ballads off key, but after some fast forwarding they found the Anna's message. "Pass the word," Anna was concluding, "Something's up."

Castiel and his angels watched in stunned silence. Finally, Eliza hit pause and turned to the others. "You know what we have to do, right?"

Eric nodded. "Yeah. Give her a medal, she got some great camera angles."

Charlie slapped the side of Eric's head. "Moron! We got to go find her and find out what she meant."

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Uriel says we have to kill her."

Everyone turned to face him. They all yelled at once variations of, "What? Why!"

Castiel looked up at them and gestured at Anna's image on the TV. "She's an angel and she fell. You can't get away from this club; you're in it to until the end."

"Does Jimmy know that?" Aretha snapped.

"Jimmy knows what he got into." Castiel retorted. "He knows I need something solid down there. But Anna, she's just …"

"A pawn." Archie finished. "And we know how that feels, so let's save her."

Archie marched towards the door. "Now who wants to come with me," he declared as he threw the door open, "And…"

Uriel was standing in the doorway straightening his tie. "Archie," he said casually, "Don't you have a charge to be watching?"

Archie flashed a bitter smile and shrugged. "Who, Chuck? Chuck's fine."

Uriel glared. "You better go make sure."

Archie scowled. He looked over at Castiel. Castiel looked at Uriel. "Uriel, I want Archie with us on this one…"

Uriel smirked. "Castiel, you wouldn't want to contradict an order from Father, would you?" Uriel turned to stare at Archie. "That's what I thought. You ought to be going now."

"I'll catch you guys later." Archie grumbled as he marched out.

Eliza crossed her arms over her chest. "That wasn't necessary, Uriel."

Uriel looked past her at Castiel. "Cas," he smiled, "Don't be angry at me. I'm just helping you get rid of the trash."

Eric started to crack his knuckles loudly. Charlie put a restraining hand on his shoulder. Castiel stepped forward. "Uriel…Archie was just told us something important. Anna's grace is in Kentucky."

Uriel tossed Castiel the trench coat by the door. "Well then, what are we waiting for?"

Castiel caught it deftly. He walked towards Uriel. "I was just about to tell you actually." Castiel turned towards his garrison and raised his eyebrows to convey his annoyance Uriel. Silently, he also added: _Find Anna. _

After Uriel and Castiel walked out the door, Josh looked at the garrison. "What makes them so great?"

"'Cause their wings are bigger." Aretha fumed.

"Then let's show them that size doesn't matter." Eric said as he grabbed his coat.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Uriel looked at the large Oak tree and his eyes lit up. "Isn't it stunning what one small miracle can do?"

Castiel looked up at the towering branches and had to agree/

Uriel reached into one of the tree's knot holes and felt a small silver vial on a loose chain. He withdrew it with a triumphant smile. "And now the bitch won't ever bother us again."

Castiel looked at Uriel. "Really? Why are you so negative?"

"Face it Castiel," Uriel said as he hung the chain around his neck, "The whole world's gonna burn and it's probably going to start with little acts of rebellion like this."

Castiel bit his tongue and glared at Uriel. As they heard someone approaching, they fled. They missed the arrival of on 1967 Chevrolet Impala by nearly two minutes.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Each individual member of the inept garrison had been forced to join because of some foul up or inadvertent mistake. While they had heart, strength, and some amount of courage, they were not known for their brain power. As they sat in the barracks brainstorming ways to find Anna, the air grew stale.

"So…" Aretha began.

"Still nothing." Eliza huffed.

"Yeah." Aretha concluded.

Josh snapped and straightened up. "What if…" He slumped. "Never mind."

"What is it?" Charlie asked. "Do you have a real idea Josh?"

"Anything would be great at this point." Aretha looked at him desperately. "Anything."

"Um." Josh tugged at his shirt collar as all eyes turned to him. "I was thinking, what if we sent out a threat. You know. Give us the angel or we'll kill your cat…"

Eric looked baffled. "Our cat? Really Josh? What cat!?"

Josh blushed. "This isn't about Mr. Tinkles."

Aretha grinned and pulled out her cell phone. "It's okay, I think I get the gist." She waved her phone. "Let's send out a message on Angel Radio. She still gets the transmission right?"

Eliza nodded with a mischievous grin. "I know exactly what we should say."

Charlie handed her the official transistor radio set. "Alright, let's hear it."

Eliza took the microphone and lowered her voice to growl as she intoned, "Give the angels Anna or we will send Dean back to hell." Josh giggled, and Eliza waved a hand to shush him as she repeated the message. "You have until midnight tomorrow."

"Hopefully, this won't back fire." Charlie said as she leaned against the bed post.

Somewhere, Anna tilted her head to the side as her eyes widened in shock. She turned to Sam and Dean and relayed the message.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel was scouring the map of Kentucky for possible places that a demon, angel, and two Winchesters could hide. Uriel looked over his shoulder now and then, in an effort to pretend to help. Uriel looked at Castiel. "Did you hear that?"

Castiel listened intently to the radio. He turned the dials and listened to the angelic broadcast. "Well, what do you know. My angels are good for something."

Uriel snorted. "Whatever you want to believe, but it looks like they stumbled on a good idea this time."

Castiel looked at Uriel. "I'm going to get them together and you can go talk to Dean."

Uriel began to toy with the vial of Grace absentmindedly. "My pleasure." He said snidely.

Castiel sighed. "Just, be cool okay? I don't want Anna hurt, alright?"

Uriel waved his hand dismissively. "Relax, Castiel. We'll get her."

Castiel grabbed his trench coat. "I'll be back shortly. Keep me posted."

As Castiel flew away, Uriel frowned. He cracked his knuckles and sighed, "That redhead knows too much to live."

He stormed off to go have a discussion with Dean.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The Metallicar was a Lady down to her very engine. She was dainty, and didn't leak her oil. In polite company, she only purred. She did whatever was helpful for her baby, and his brother. She was a car of charm and taste.

She kept her mouth shut when Anna joined Dean in her backseat. And she didn't say anything as she felt Dean rock with a nightmare. He sat up, and opened the door to leave. In the dim glow of her headlight's she watched him burn the hex bags.

Moments ago she had watched Ruby walk out the barn and disappear. Now Dean was behaving just as strangely. Dean crawled back into the backseat and went back to sleep. The Metallicar felt her water boiling as she fumed. Something was up.

To her dismay, a red headed man appeared and was sneaking towards the barn. He waved his hand, and suddenly five other figures were tiptoeing beside him.

"What the hell are you doing?" said Castiel, the only face she recognized, as he appeared suddenly.

Metallicar's engine rumbled. Things were spinning out of control. Her baby needed to wake up.

"Cas," the red head whined, "I wanna see Anna…"

"Go home, Archie." Castiel ordered.

"Please?" A lanky blonde pouted.

Castiel sighed. "Fine. Watch the border for demons. If we avoid trouble, we'll all be hanging out with Anna later. Uriel's almost here, so spread out."

They all nodded curtly and dispersed. Castiel disappeared, right as Dean woke up. The Metallicar wished, not for the first time, her voice was louder than the engine.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel looked at Uriel. "What?" he screamed furiously.

Uriel glared. "Calm yourself, brother. I told you, we're killing Anna."

Grumbling something obscene, Castiel walked besides Uriel towards the barn where the Winchesters were. "I just don't understand why you think you can usurp me."

"Because. I have my orders." Uriel waved the official looking envelope.

Castiel couldn't find words to disagree. He knew God was gone, but it was still possible for him to communicate. He raised his hand and the door ahead of them flew off their hinges. Despite the slight twitch in his eye, Castiel remained impassive as Uriel stood beside him threatening the brothers. "Anna," Castiel said with his hand out stretched, "It's time to go."

Then all hell broke loose.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"This is fucking bull shit." Archie groaned. "Chuck's gonna throw a hissy fit when he sees I snuck out again and what for? We're not doing a god damn thing."

"Shut up." Charlie hissed, her green eyes flashing.

Josh looked over at the barn and then back at his fellow angels. "Not everyone gets a cushy job like you."

Archie rolled his eyes and started to protest. Eric cut him off, "Guys… I think someone's coming."

They looked up as Alistair, Ruby, and five other demons appeared. Josh cracked his knuckles and smiled. Archie's eyes lit up. "Now this is what I wanted."

Alistair saw them from afar. "Fuck. Not these morons again."

He snapped his fingers and the chuckle heads working for him dropped Ruby like a sack of meat. "Make it quick." Alistair hissed.

Eric nodded to his companions. "Don't waste your time."

Charlie flexed her fingers. They began to cackle with power as she ran forward. The angels and demons clashed together and sparks flew. Archie grabbed the nearest demon by the forehead and punched him viciously. It's true that he could have banished the evil scum back to hell, but he was having some fun. They managed to take out two of the lackeys before Alistair decided to take action.

Alistair watched his demons get beaten, and his temper rose. With a primal scream, the angels were sent flying. "Get up." He snapped at the demons. "And let's get inside before they wake up."

They stormed inside to catch Anna and promptly ran in to three furious angles.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Several crucial minutes later, Josh groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. "Did we get our asses kicked?"

Archie looked at his bloody knuckles dazedly. "Yes." He grimaced. "And know I'm going to have to explain this to Chuck."

Eric jumped to his feet. "Stop bitching, we've got to get inside."

Castiel stormed out of the cabin with Uriel at his side. "Oh hello," Uriel said sarcastically, "Did you come to help? You're a bit fucking late!"

"Anna's gone." Castiel clarified, glaring at Uriel. Archie gulped and slipped into the shadows. "You guys might as well go home." He pointed his finger at Uriel. "And I want to talk to you about your attitude problems."

Growling, CIA slipped away.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Lilith stamped her foot impatiently as the phone dialed. "Hello?"

Ruby answered the phone and swallowed nervously. "Hey."

"Hey?" Lilith screeched. "That's it? You lost a fucking angel!"

Ruby scowled. "Look, I kept your golden boy from getting his head torn off, okay? Relax."

"Don't tell me to relax." Lilith hissed. "You're just lucky that things are still running smoothly."

"Yeah lucky." Ruby ran a hand over her scared stomach. She was sore from head to toe from her recent 'conversation' with Alistair.

"Don't whine to me bitch." Lilith growled. "Just keep Sam in line, and I'll leave everything else to those that are more equipped to deal with it."

Ruby stared to quip, but Lilith ignored her. "And for the record, I liked you better as a blonde."

Lilith hung up. Ruby glared at her phone and shoved it back into her pocket. She was doing her job, but she wondered if it was worth hurting the ones she loved. Thinking of Sam, she frowned. Of course it was, she told her self. Of course it was.

This was the god damn apocalypse, after all. We're all gonna burn, and we might as well enjoy the ride.

**.:To be Continued:.**

**  
**Meanwhile, the most depressing monologue was being uttered from the most beautiful lips with piercing green eyes.

Even the angles cried.


	12. An Apology

**The following is no doubt riddled with errors, and is certainly nonsensical. I wish I had the time and energy necessary to devote to this story, but I simply can't. People have been asking to see it finished, and I'll let you in on a secret: I've had the last chapters written for quite a while. It's the middle that has given me trouble. **

**I think now I will just post the last chapters and wash my hands of this. Forgive me for throwing it out here; unpolished and imperfect. I hope you enjoy it none the less. **

**Sincerely, **

**Tribble**


	13. Imminent

**Episode: Sex and Violence**

**Chapter Twelve: Imminent  
**

Anna had vanished and there was no escaping the sense of gloom in the garrison.

Charlie had tried thinking of a way to cheer up her fellow angels. All she could conjure up was one idea: _magic. _ But after a catastrophe as a small girl involving a bungled magician kit, Charlie had sworn off magic. She still had the tattered top hat, but stood firmly in her belief that Chris Angel is a douche bag and real magic was a delicate art. Charlie stuck to miracles instead of conjuring tricks.

Still unsure of how to cheer up her fellow team, she decided to fly down to her earth. While practicing her miracles later in the week, she inadvertently triggered a miracle that won her two tickets to the Jeb Dexter show during Magic Week inSioux City,Iowa. Jeb Dexter was all flash, with little skill. He was like Archie when he was drunk, a lot of talk with a little bit of action and nearly no entertainment value. Okay, not quiet. Archie was funny as hell when he was wasted. Jeb Dexter was a disgrace to what it meant to be a magician. Still, it was two free tickets and who could pass up on that?

Charlie was still reluctant to admit her growing crush on Eric, and hastily handed over the tickets to Josh. Josh asked Aretha of course, and she agreed. They were _the _couple, the hottest thing since the old rumors of Anna and Castiel. But those had been rumors, Castiel constantly reassured.

Unfortunately, Jeb Dexter's legendary performance went unattended. Charlie had flown down to earth to get the inside scoop on the current magic acts up and down the strip. She'd even brought along one of her old Magic Trick Guides and shared it with a fellow magician, a gentlemen named Charlie who was formerly The Great Dessertini. She hadn't realized that mortal magicians only practiced fake magic, and it came as quite a shock to learn Charlie was abusing the black magic she'd gifted him with. As a result, Jeb Dexter died and the Winchesters canceled the show.

The Winchesters always did have a knack for being joy kills.

Frustrated even more by magic, Charlie passed the baton of lifting the mood to Eliza. The next week, when Eliza went to prank a high school the Winchesters were there. She had been extra careful to, getting the gym coach to disappear so she and her fellow misfits could create their own standard of physical education. But no, Dean just had to wreck that.

Their imagination ran dry, and they eventually decided to accept their duties by filling out paperwork. It was arguably the worst attempt at cheering them up so far. What was worse, Castiel had a whistle he liked to use to surprise them. The whistle made him their god, and the bastard certainly enjoyed abusing his omnipresent powers.

Six am and the whistle blew, startling them from sleep. "Get up it's a bright day!" Castiel said cheerily.

They grumbled and got up slowly. Surely, there had to be something entertaining out there.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It's a tale as old as time, or as old as animation anyway. The hardworking daughter of adoring parents goes through childhood trauma when one of her parents dies. Then she grows up, realizes she can be independent, even powerful in her own right, and throws that all aside on a whirl wind romance with a charming prince she's just met.

Ah, true love.

The Siren thought it was a better story than any trash Homer could come up with. Her name was Arielle. Her name was Jasmine. Her name was Briar Rose. Her name was Belle. What can I say? The girl had a thing for Disney—finding your true love and feeling that sort of devotion? Can you blame her? And all the princesses had a knack for doing it in less than forty eight hours.

Her skin was white as snow and her hair was a black as ebony tonight. Jasmine pulled on a thin layer of clothing and powered her face as she prepared to dance for the evening. Tonight, Benson was going to kill his wife for her. Wasn't that just the sweetest thing you ever heard of?

Smiling, the siren checked herself in the mirror before walking out onto the stage.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Eric signed another form with flourish and put in the stack of completed papers. He picked up another paper and sighed. "I hate these 6-667s." He began to scribble on the paper. "It's such a waste of time when an angel goes rouge."

"And what about this?" Eliza gestured at the paper in front of her. "Another form filled out in triplicate because Uriel or some other moron couldn't stop a seal from breaking!"

"Yeah." Josh bobbed his head agreeably. "This totally sucks."

Charlie looked up from the form she was filling out and snapped, "Josh, you're reading a comic book! You're not even helping!"

Josh looked up. "Its research." He huffed.

Aretha took it away from him before he could even blink. She looked at the pages and rolled her eyes. "Josh, this is just Greek Myths."

Josh frowned. "It's a classic."

"No." Eric corrected, "What Hommer wrote was a classic. Not an illustrated novel for morons!"

"It's a comic book not a novel!" Josh reached out to take his book back. He slunk into his chair. "Besides it's not like you guys have ever really seen a siren. Maybe the comic book got it right."

Charlie's face lit up. She snapped. "That's it!"

Eliza tilted her head to one side. "What the hell?"

Charlie looked at them. "Let's go find a siren."

Aretha groaned. "Yes. Because a blood thirsty bitch capable of seducing anything is an awesome idea." She paused for a moment, looked down at the paperwork, then looked up. "Actually, fuck it. Let's go. I need a break."

Eric touched Charlie on the shoulder. "Nice one, Charlie."

Charlie blushed a little, feeling a soft tingle from were Eric had touched her. "Great! Now, um, any idea on where to find one?"

Josh looked up brightly. "Strippers!"

Aretha shot him a questioning look. Josh cleared his throat, and quickly amended his declaration. "I mean, it would make sense for a Siren to be a stripper. Or work at Sea World."

Aretha pushed the papers in front of her aside. "Honey, I think you have point."

Eric nodded. "Well, want to split up? First one to find a siren gets…um…."

"First dibs on pranking Archie." Eliza smiled brightly.

They shook hands on it, and bolted. Eliza and Charlie took to the south, stopping briefly for margaritas. Eric headed for Alaska and was only able to locate a few occupants; all which were drunk. Josh and Aretha played tag across the states. They landed in Iowa giggling to themselves.

When they landed in Beford Aretha looked down at watch. There was a faint beeping coming from it. "I think the Wnchesters are here." She looked perplexed. "Did we miss something?"

Josh shrugged. "A case?"

Aretha looked around. She tapped at the watches screen. "Maybe…. Thank god Castiel stuck that gps chip in Dean. After that trick they pulled with the hex bags I thought we'd lost them forever."

Josh laughed. "Right? I'm happy to know Castiel would never do such a dick move to us."

They both shared a questioning look. Josh bit his lip in worry as the implications set in. Aretha glanced back down at her watch and the beeping radar screen. She cleared her throat. "Let's get everyone else here."

Eliza and Charlie appeared thirty seconds after their communications. It took Eric five extra minutes to appear. When he did, his face was bleeding from a cut, and his tee shirt had one long claw mark in the back. "Don't," he said breathing heavily, "bring beef jerky into Sassquatch territory."

Eliza raised one eyebrow. "Um, yeah. So what did we miss?"

"The Winchesters are here… we don't know why but we think it has something to do with the fact that the air smells like fish."

"And sirens." Josh added. "But not tacos."

**Author's note, **

** These are the scenes that are driving mad because they are so hard to write: **

**The Siren finds them, and seduces Eric. Which makes Charlie insanely jealous. She promptly kicks the Siren's unholy ass. The siren slinks off to dick with the Winchesters. **

**Realizing they have to finish the bitch they go to God, or the next best, which is Bobby. CIA convinces Bobby to save the Winchesters.**

**End scene with Charlie admitting to Eric her crush, and receiving a kiss in return. **

**AND ONWARDS **


	14. Insouciant

******Episode: On the Head of a Pin, (Death Takes a Holiday, skipped)**

Chapter Fourteen: Insouciant

Uriel and Samantha met in the parking lot. "Well?" She tapped her foot. "I'm busy you know? I've got like six more miracles to perform before my shift is over."

Uriel smiled sincerely. "Sorry, I'll keep it short. You know all the seals that have broken?"

Samantha threw her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Yeah?"

"I think the demons are right. We really ought to stick up for each other. Lucifer was the brightest of us all."

"What?" She looked away from him disgusted. "You're kidding right?"

"No." he said coldly. "I wouldn't joke about this. I want our brother to come join us again."

"I'm not helping you with this." She threw her hands in the air. "I'll tell Castiel. He's in charge. He'll kick your ass."

Uriel glared at her as he withdrew his sword. "We'll see."

Without a second's hesitation he killed her, leaving her body amongst strewn cars. As the breath left her eyes his wings dissolved. Dust to dust.

He flew back to Heaven. There was work to do.

o-o-o-o-o-o

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To: **Uriel **  
From: **Zachariah**  
Re: **The Game Plan

I'm just tired of always running around and checking that the birth count balances with the death toll down there. Why can't humans deal with their own problems? I am so sick of this shit. Do you even think God HAS a plan?

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To:** Zachariah  
**From**: Uriel  
**Re**: The Game Plan

Are you kidding me? Plan? I heard he was on flatbread inMexico. Some demon trash was telling me in Hell that they get to have parties and beer all day where they work.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To:** Uriel  
**From:** Zachariah  
**Re**: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

They get parties and we get to balance endangered species? What the fuck! I told God narwhales weren't a good idea but no, I'm stuck keeping the bastards away from tacos (who the hell gave them a taco, anyway?) BUT the demons get to party?

Ugh. That's it.

There's only one way to fix this.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To:** Zachariah  
**From**: Uriel  
**Re**: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Are you implying that we rebel against God's orders? That we completely and utterly disregard our order to serve and protect humanity in an order to do what's loosely defined as "for the good of the many outweighs the needs of the one?"

Fuck yeah, I'm in.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To:** Uriel  
**From:** Zachariah  
**Re**: Not exactly what I was thinking…

I was just gonna get a muffin. And burn some shit. Hell, I like your idea better. Let's start the apocalypse. But first, there seem to be a couple of inept angels standing in our way.

I think you know what to do.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To**: Zachariah  
**From**: Uriel  
**Re**: What to do

Shall we kill them then? Or blame them for some horrible misdeed? What ever we do, let's just find away to put the power back where it belongs.

**Inter Heaven Memo  
To**: Uriel  
**From**: Zachariah  
**Re**: Our game plan

Don't worry, I've been working on this plan for a while.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel was sneaking around the inter offices of heaven preparing himself for the afternoon game of Hide and Seek with C.I.A. He leaned against the doorframe of Zachariah's office. As he looked around for where to sneak to next he heard Zachariah talking.

"Yeah, no…no… I got it…. Look," Zachariah took a deep breath, "yeah, the apocalypse sounds great. Alright, talk to you later. Bye."

As he hung up Castiel quickly walked away so he wouldn't be caught overhearing the plan. He nearly ran into Uriel as he rounded the corner several turns later.

"Castiel!" Uriel beamed. "Perfect! Are you coming down to earth with me?"

"For what?" Castiel looked around. He had to get back to the barracks; he didn't have time for this.

"We're taking Alistair on a little trip." Uriel beamed. "We're going to have Dean torture him."

Castiel swallowed. "Uh, sounds great. I'll be down in a minute, alright? I need to check on something first?"

Uriel frowned. "Want me to come with you?"

"No." Castiel said quickly. "I'll be right there."

He ran as fast as he could to his garrison. He burst through the door breathless. Eliza looked up from her cot. "Hey Cas, sorry everyone's out…"

"Eliza," he held up his hand, "listen to me. The other angels are starting the apocalypse. I have to go, I'll be back later!"

Eliza looked at him startled. "What? No wait-"

"Just tell them." He said before disappearing.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Samantha was his sister, a blonde angel, brimming with life. She'd been with him when he'd first gotten his wings. Now she was dead, the seventh one of his friends to be murdered.

Alistair had to know, Castiel thought.

**(INSERT CIA WATCHING THE TOURTURE, AND BETTING ON IT, GASPING AND GENERALLY BEING RIDICULOUS)**

But after hours of useless torture, Dean was broken in the hospital and they still didn't know anything. He looked behind himself at the warehouse and sighed. He turned back to look around the empty park.

Anna appeared behind him. "Castiel, what's going on?"

"I might… disobey." He said simply spinning to face her. "The other angels really want to go through with the apocalypse."

"It's not God's will, is it?" she sighed.

"No." he frowned. "God left me and my team in charge… but it feels like it's all falling apart."

Anna frowned. "Castiel, I can help."

"No." he said heading inside. "I'll figure it out. No worries."

She rolled her eyes and vanished. Inside the warehouse, Castiel looked around the floor searching for Alistair's escape method. He found the break in the devil's trap and frowned.

Behind him, Uriel walked in laughing. "Oh, my naïve younger brother. What have you gotten yourself into to?"

Castiel stepped back. "Uriel. I'm trying to figure out how the demons broke him out. And more importantly- How do you even kill an angel?"

"Only another angel can kill an angel." Uriel said seriously.

"Really?" Castiel looked at him. "Where did you learn-"

"Oh Castiel, that's not the only thing I've learned." Uriel hissed pulling out his sword. "Somebody once told me not to pick a side unless you were sure you could win."

"What are you talking about?" Castiel looked around for something to fight with.

"Castiel. How do I put this?" Uriel smiled faintly. "Heaven's not gonna win this war. Lucifer was right, humans are pathetic. We don't need them."

"Uriel did you kill Samantha? David? Jacob?" Castiel gasped. "You killed our siblings?"

Uriel shrugged. "You see, that's why we'll win. We're smarter, we're better fighters. That's why I'll get to see my brother again. Join our side, Castiel, leave your dirty garrison and relish in the power I offer."

"No. God won't let that happen." Castiel hissed forming a fist.

Uriel raised his sword. "God wouldn't even care if I killed you right now."

"But I would." Anna whispered in his ear as she appeared behind him with her dagger. She raked it across his throat.

Uriel choked on his own blood before he fell to the ground dead. He wings dissolved. Ashes to ashes.

Anna looked at Castiel. "You can't win without a team Castiel. Keep in touch."

She flew away and Castiel sighed. He went to check on Dean. The frail human looked just as bad as he felt. After brief words that did nothing to ease the heartache he felt, he left for heaven. Anna was right—he had to get his team together.

**.:to be continued:.**


	15. Irate

**Episode: It's a Terrible Life/ Monster at the End of the Book**

**Irate**

Zachariah worked swiftly to ensure his plans would not be waylaid. It wasn't a terrible life, but he intended to make it a perfect one. Uriel was dead, and he was glad of it. He'd tried talking to Uriel, but the moron had seemed to think the whole point of their plan was to _actually_ _raise Lucifer. _Zachariah had to chuckle at the ridiculous idea. Of course not, he just wanted some time to himself in paradise. He didn't want another annoying sibling pestering him. But if he was going to get anything done, Zachariah knew he was going to have to deal with those Winchesters. Wearily, he found a susceptible southern gentleman to take and he went to work. Thanks to Uriel's clumsiness, the whole plan was in serious danger. Now that he was on earth though, he could show those Winchesters that there was a meaning to this. They could understand that their job wasn't so bad.

So they threw a fit when he dressed them up in suits and put them in a cubicle. So what. It was worth it. Dean, bless his poor shattered ego, was a little bit more excited about actually fighting for once. And Sam, that muddled chess piece, was frustrated more than ever.

Things were looking up.

He looked down at earth and saw the inner turmoil within the prophet. He sighed. An angel's work was never done.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Lilith smiled seductively at Sam and patted the bed. Sam thought about the deal she was offering, and he thought about what it would cost them. He wanted to believe there was another way out, but Dean wasn't himself as much. Dean wasn't willing to charge in to a fight anymore, Dean wanted to consider all the options and run away. Sam looked at Lilith and knew his only option was killing her. He stepped forward towards the motel bed.

The door flew open.

Chuck burst into the room with Dean close behind him. "I am the prophet Chuck!" he declared.

Lilith rolled her eyes. She looked at Sam. "You've got to be kidding me."

Dean yelled. "This is a prophet of the lord and he's got an archangel tethered to his ass! And that archangel is gonna come smite you in about five seconds!"

Lilith turned to look at Dean. She started to argue, but the walls began to shake. A bright white light began to fill the room. She glared and fled, leaving her vessel empty.

Archie appeared with his sword. "What's up? You in danger Chuck?"

Chuck shook his head. "Sorry, Arch, but she left."

Archie rolled his eyes. "Call me when something actually happens. I'm going back to bed." He turned to go, grumbling. "Was having a really nice dream to…"

Dean watched Archie disappear. "Who was that?"

Sam squinted. "He's an angel, right?"

Chuck nodded. "Just don't ask. He's… yeah, he's with me. I guess. I'm gonna go."

Chuckle shuffled away. At home, he felt the first tinges of the familiar headaches. Shaking, he opened a beer and waited. Several empty cans and one empty bottle of malt liquor later, he was resting his head on his desk as it hit him. When he woke from the nightmare, what seemed to be hours later he stood up. He'd seen it. He didn't want to, and he had. With grim determination, he decided he wouldn't, couldn't, possibly live through _that. _

"Where are you going?" Zachariah asked as he appeared in the prophet's house.

Chuck froze for a moment. He looked back at the angel from his dreams. "To kill myself."

"Why? We'd just bring you back." Zachariah smiled.

Chuck turned to face him. "Well what do you expect me to do?"

"What you always do." Zach said running his fingers over the book Heart. "Keep writing."

The angel flew away.

And still-

A horrifying array of images lurked behind Chuck's eyelids, threatening to consume him with thoughts of fire and brimstone every time he slept. Chuck stared dumbly down at the wooden floor. Shock from Zachariah's threats and his nightmares had him frozen into place as he swayed unsteadily on his feet. Archie walked down the stairs and ambled towards the kitchen. "What's wrong?" he called as he rifled through the fridge.

Chuck mumbled something incoherent. Archie sighed and walked back over to the living room. He placed his hand on Chuck's shoulder. "Chuck?" He jostled him slightly. "What's wrong?"

Chuck looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. "The angels…"

Archie raised his eyebrows. "What about them?"

"They're starting the apocalypse." Chuck said numbly.

"No." Archie said firmly. "You're wrong. That can't be. They wouldn't… Castiel would…"

Chuck turned away from Archie and started to walk towards the kitchen. "Archie," he said as he moved with wobbly steps, "I'm not wrong. And if you know what's good for you, you'll be afraid too."

Archie started to follow him through the house but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned around to face his garrison leader. "Castiel!" he exclaimed. "You wouldn't believe what I heard…"

"The apocalypse." Castiel said coldly. "I know, but Archie, we can't let that happen."

"C.I.A. won't let it." Archie said stubbornly. "I don't know why anyone would."

Castiel nodded. "Exactly. I just wanted your word that you'd still fight with us."

"Castiel, of course." Archie smiled. "I'm the best anyway, you need me."

Castiel shook his head. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. I'll talk to you later."

Castiel disappeared. Archie, feeling cocksure and confident, went to comfort Chuck. Suddenly a white-hot pain flooded his blood and his head felt like it was about to explode. He grabbed his head and bit back a scream as he fell to his knees. A voice yelled within his brain, commanding attention.

_ARCHIE._

"Y-y-yes?" he replied with gritted teeth.

_THIS IS ZACHARIAH. _

Archie swallowed back a string of curses, deciding not to let Zachariah know that he and C.I.A. knew his plans. He kept his thoughts short and avoided a rebellious tangent.

_THIS IS JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER, _Zachariah said smoothly, _THAT YOU WORK FOR US. WHATEVER ORDER I GIVE, YOU MUST OBEY._

"S-s-sure." Archie said as tears welled in his eyes.

_KEEP THE PROPHET SAFE. WE'LL BE IN TOUCH. _

The voice disappeared. "Dick." Archie muttered as he massaged his temple.

He stood up and walked over to the kitchen where Chuck was already drowning his sorrows. Archie sighed and began to pick up the empty bottles to throw away. To protect and serve. _Oh_, he thought_, I'll_ _do my damn job alright_.

**.:to be continued:.**


	16. Impulse

**Episode: Rapture**

**Impulse**

Charlie sat on her bunk with her knees pulled up to her chest. "This is wrong. This is all wrong."

Eliza sat down next to her numb. "We cannot let them do this."

Josh tucked his blonde hair behind his ears and frowned. "But what can we do?"

Eric looked at them. "You bunch of pathetic whiney dumb asses."

Aretha gasped. Eric!"

Eric glared at her. "We are the best god damn angels in ALL of Heaven! What can we do?"

He looked at them all. "What the hell CAN'T we do?"

Josh jumped up. "Eric, are you crazy? We'd be lucky to smite ten before we lost!"

Eliza glanced over Josh then Eric. "I don't know, Josh. Eric might have a point. The Big Man left us in charge." She shrugged. "If we die fighting, we die doing our jobs."

Charlie blinked back tears from her large green eyes. "It is the apocalypse. Damnit, you know I'm in."

Eric smiled. "Good."

Castiel walked into the garrison with his hands full of armor. "Glad to see you're up. Uriel's dead."

Eric cleared his throat. "Well, he was kind of a prick. But Cas, the apocalypse-"

Castiel dropped their armor on the bed. "Yes? What do you want to about it?"

"Kill the bastards that thought this was good idea." Josh said with passion. Aretha hugged him.

"Exactly." Castiel pointed to the armor on the bed. "We're going to have to take down Zachariah. The prick thinks he can just run the damn place."

Eliza smiled. "Glad to hear you'll be fighting with us, Sir."

"Like I'd miss it." Castiel smiled. "I'll be right back. I have to warn Dean. He should know what's going to happen. Meet me at the Ridgemont Warehouse inSpringfield,Illinoisat exactly 10:30."

Aretha nodded as she pulled on her glimmering armor. "Got it. We'll see you soon."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel flew in Dean's dreams. "We need to talk." He said before telling him the address.

After their brief words, Castiel flew away. He wondered if he should have said goodbye. He touched down onto the cold pavement and looked at the warehouse suspiciously. Taking a deep breath, he walked inside ready to plan rebellion. He knew with all his heart and soul he could trust that what he was doing was right, so long as he had C.I.A. by his side.

One step into the door way a fist pummeled into his jaw. "Castiel!" Eliza shrieked. He heard a slapping sound and she was silently sobbing.

Someone kicked him in the abdomen, forcing him to fold up. Another blow to his chest, and another kick hit his legs. The blows kept coming and his wings were grabbed, brutally dragging him to the center of the room. Feathers flew as he struggled against his attackers. His nose was broken spurting blood down his face as he gasped for breath.

"Castiel." Zachariah said above him. He could just tell from the bastard's smug voice the way he stood: arms folded over his chest, smug smile. "What do you think you're doing?"

Castiel spat blood onto Zachariah's shoes. "My fucking job." He struggled to sit up, but a kick to the ribs kept him down. From the floor he called, "Don't any of your dicks remember when we were supposed to help people? And not start the apocalypse?"

"Yes, well," Zachariah said smoothly as he stood over Castiel, "There's been a change of plans."

Charlie cried out. "Stop this!"

"Somebody shut her up." Zachariah snapped his fingers. He brought his foot firmly down on Castiel's throat. "It's time to go home, boy."

He let his weight crush Castiel's windpipe as he spoke the Latin incantation.

A bright light surged the warehouse, leaving Jimmy Novac unconscious on the floor.

Aretha bit her lip as Zachariah turned to face the five other angels his garrison held captive. "Which one of you inept angels," Zachariah hissed, "thought rebelling would be a good idea?"

Josh smiled, displaying the broken teeth it'd taken to hold him back, "Apparently you ass holes did."

Zachariah growled. "Speak up. I'm warning you, you had better talk soon."

Charlie trembled. "Why? Gonna let Dean Winchester torture us, too?"

Zachariah punched her face. Her head snapped back but she quickly regained composer. She was used to abusive boyfriends. She just glared at Zachariah as tears streamed down her face.

"I don't know why this is hard." He snarled. "I'm trying to make the word a better place."

Eric took a deep breath. He looked at his bloody and garrison- they were more than his family. For every mistake he'd made, he opened his mouth: "I did. I told them it was okay."

Zachariah smiled. "See that wasn't too bad." He snapped his fingers and Eric was dragged forward. "Kill him."

The two angels, who had never once questioned an order before, shared a glance before dragging Eric outside.

Charlie gasped as she heard the sounds of a scuffle and a blood curdling scream. She looked away to calm herself, but she didn't think she'd ever forget that sound.

"Deal with them." Zachariah smiled. "I don't give a shit how, but make sure they get home back to Bible Camp."

He turned to leave. "Oh, and make sure it's messy." He laughed coldly and disappeared to deal with Castiel.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel woke up in the dark. He'd been the dark his whole life, only know he could see it for what it truly was. Realization was slowly slipping into the cracks, illuminating the dark. Blinking into slow consciousness, he recognized where he was; the cold metallic room that was meant for demonic prisoners. He remembered vividly the interrogations that went on in this room.

"…h'llo?" he called out. His voice was battered and dry.

As he tried to move away from the wall he realized his arms were chained there. He sighed.

Nothing to do but wait and pray C.I.A. was okay.

A light was clicked on flooding the room with harsh white glow. He squinted and looked up. "Zachariah." He hissed.

Zachariah pulled up a chair. "Castiel. … How are you today?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic."

Zachariah shook his head. "That's not very nice way to talk to your superiors, Castiel."

Castiel looked away from him. Zachariah pulled out his knife, waving it in air. "You should be proud though of your stupid little garrison."

Castiel leaned against the cold wall, and smiled dangerously. "Really? Why's that?"

"The little pricks put up a pretty good fight before I had them slaughtered." Zachariah flicked his knife, throwing it at Castiel.

Castiel hissed as the blade sunk into his shoulder. "How many of them did they take out first?" he said in between gritted teeth.

"None." Zachariah smiled getting up to stand facing Castiel. He twisted the blade. "It was a pity to lose good warriors though."

Castiel held back a yell with a deep breath. "If only they'd followed their orders," Zachariah lamented, "if only you'd follow orders."

"What's to follow?" Castiel looked at him with cold eyes. "Your reign of chaos?"

"No." Zachariah shrugged. "Follow me into paradise. We only want to make a better place for those pathetic little mud monkeys. They'll thank us one day, trust me."

Castiel dropped his head and sighed. Zachariah held up his knife. "Look Cas, make you deal. I'll stop using my knife, if you swear your allegiance to my garrison."

Castiel heisted, apparently to long. Zachariah drew blood across his chest with a savage gash. Castiel trembled with the effort of not screaming as Zachariah wielded his weapon. "Is it really so hard to chose Angels over those _humans_, Cas?"

_Cas. _He flinched when he heard that nickname. That was for Dean to call him, but he wasn't supposed to follow Dean's orders. Castiel looked up at Zachariah with red rimmed eyes. With a shaky nod, Castiel agreed and swore an oath. Zachariah patted his shoulder with healing touch, and undid the chains. "See?" He said helping Castiel up. "That wasn't so hard."

"You're right." He replied, biting his lip. Castiel shivered in the room, his black slacks that he'd worn to earth were tattered and bloody. His shirt was mangled and ripped. "If you'll excuse me sir," he said grimly. "I need to go get vessel."

Zachariah waved a dismissive hand. "Alright. Just remember, we're watching you."

Castiel understood now as he walked out of the room. It wasn't about destroying earth, humanity, or family. It was about making the world a better place.

He swallowed.

Yeah, he thought, if I keep telling myself that, maybe it'll come true.

He flew down to earth to find his vessel. The pathetic thing was bleeding out on some dirty floor. Wearily he resumed the tan hide. Dean looked at him suspiciously. "Cas- where were you? What did you want to tell me?"

Castiel looked at him with cold hard eyes. "I learned my lesson Dean. I serve Heaven not you."

He stormed off to find his garrison.

**.:To Be Continued:.**


	17. Inconceivable

**Episode: When the Levee Breaks (**yes CIA is in this episode, go re-watch it**)**

**Inconceivable**

Dean looked up at the sky and screamed. He kicked some loose scrap as he moved restlessly about the salvage yard. Behind him, in Bobby's house, Sam was twisting and turning as the demon blood wormed in his veins. Dean was tired of waiting; he wanted something to happen _now. _He wanted more than anything for Sam to be normal again, well normal for them. He looked up at the sky again and yelled.

Castiel appeared behind him. He was still shaking on the inside after his and Zachraiah's discussion. Swallowing back his hesitation, he knew what he had to say to keep up pretenses. Be a good little solider. He hoped Dean could understand that later.

Dean glared at him. "Well, it's about time. I've been screaming myself hoarse out here for about two and a half hours now."

Castiel sighed and stepped forward. "What do you want?"

"Well, you can start with what the hell happened inIllinois?"

"What do you mean?"

"Cut the crap." Dean pointed an accusing finger at him. "You were going to tell me something."

Castiel looked away from him. "Well, nothing of import."

Dean threw his hands in the air. "You got ass-reamed in Heaven but it was not 'of import'?"

"Dean I can't. Sorry."He stepped away from Dean. "Get to the reason you really called me. It's about Sam, right?"

Dean looked at Castiel. "Can he do it? Can he kill Lilith? Can he stop the apocalypse?"

Castiel thought of his superiors who were listening, and lied. "Possibly yes." He turned to look at Dean. "But as you know, he'd have to take certain steps."

Dean inhaled sharply. "Crank up the hell blood regiment."

"Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith, would change your brother forever. Most likely, he'd become the next creature you'd feel compelled to kill. There's no reason this would have to come to pass Dean. We believe it's you, Dean." He smiled sadly. "Not your brother. The only question for us, is whether your willing to accept it. Stand up and accept your role."

Castiel was inches from Dean now, looking at him pleadingly. "You are the one who will stop it."

Dean regarded Castiel tiredly. "If I do this…Sammy doesn't have to?"

"If it goes you comfort to see it that way."

"God, you're a dick these days." Dean turned away from Castiel. He took one look over at Bobby's house then sighed. "Fine I'm in."

"Do you give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his angels?" Castiel shoved his hands in his pockets as he repeated the oath he'd recently been forced to say.

"Yeah. Exactly." Dean said as he looked at the ground.

"Say it."

Dean looked up at Castiel. Taking steps forward, he repeated, "I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys."

"You swear to serve his will as swiftly and obediently as you did you own father's?"

Dean looked Castiel in the eye. "Yes. I swear."

Castiel nodded.

Dean sighed. "Now what?"

"Now you wait. And we call on you when it's time."

Castiel flew away and thought to himself, _We all have our roles to play. _

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel frowned when he received his next order. Grimly, he flew back to the Singer Salvage yard and released Sam Winchester. As he watched him run away he wondered if he would ever find CIA again.

He'd seen the warehouse and knew the damage done must have been a terrible fight. As he flew back to the empty bunk that had housed his garrison he heard a whistle. He froze and hovered as he looked at the empty sky.

He heard the whistle again and followed the sound. Castiel landed tentatively in an abandoned field inSouth Dakota. He looked around suspiciously.

"Your ears are damn good for an overgrown pigeon."

Castiel whirled around and broke into a smile. "Josh!"

Josh waved at him. Aretha stood next to him with a huge grin on her face. "We're so glad you're alive."

Castiel hugged them both. "I cannot believe it…How did you survive?"

Josh pulled back. "Someone we know taught us how to kick some serious ass. But- Cas, we know your being watched."

Aretha nodded. "And we know we don't have much time."

"What did you have in mind?" Castiel looked at them proudly.

"We're all meeting at the warehouse. You know which one. But we want you to go get Anna with us."

"Perfect." Castiel nodded. "That was my next order. Follow my lead."

"Always." Josh said as they flew off.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Castiel looked out on the calm water and sighed. He was at the docks, like he was ordered. And he was doing his job…of sorts. As he leaned against the bridge railing, he wondered how much of the apocalypse had been planned under his nose all this time. Anna appeared beside him, like she used to do in battle. "Castiel-"

"You shouldn't have come." he said without looking at her.

She stepped towards him. "Cas, what's going on. Sam's drinking demon blood, why did you let him out-"

"You really shouldn't have come."

Beside her, Josh and Aretha appeared looking grim. Before Anna could react, they each grabbed her elbow and carried her off in a burst of white light. Castiel smiled softly to himself, things may have slipped out of his control before but they were falling back into their proper place. He looked around to make sure he was alone. With a flap of his wings, he returned to Zachariah.

His work had just begun.

**.:to be continued:.**


	18. Ill

**Episode: Lucifer Rising**

_Sometimes, just the thought can make me feel so ..._

**Ill **

With a touch, Dean went from yelling to Bobby to standing in the green room. Castiel stood next to Zachariah, mute and unable to warn his friend.

After they, well Zachariah, informed Dean about the last seal they left to wait. Outside the room Zachariah turned to Castiel. "Make sure, he doesn't do anything foolish." He pointed his finger at Castiel. "He's our ace in the hole, Cas. Both of you do your orders, and everything will work out perfectly."

Zachariah disappeared, leaving Castiel to watch the door.

Castiel watched him go and sighed. He knew if he had any shot at making this work, he had to get rid of Zachariah.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"God?" Zachariah froze. After everything he had just told Dean he smiled. "God has left the building."

Dean fumed as Castiel appeared. Everything Dean yelled at him, he knew it was true.

"Help, me. Now. Please." Dean argued.

"What would you have me do?" Castiel looked at him. He wanted to know before he did anything more that Dean would fight with them.

"Get me to Sam. We can stop this before it's to late!"

"I do that and we will all be hunted. We'll all be killed." He looked Dean in the eye, praying he would understand.

"If there is anything worth dying for, this is it." Dean said.

Castiel shook his head.

"You spineless, soulless, son of a bitch…" Dean walked away from him angrily. "What do you are about dying, you're already dead. We're done."

"Dean..." Castiel hesitated.

"We're done."

Castiel disappeared to tell C.I.A. to be ready. He grabbed his knife and flew back to the green room.

He reappeared and slammed Dean into the wall. He warned him with a glance to keep his silence. Dean nodded mutely as Castiel pulled out his blade. Stepping back, he cut along his arm and used the blood to paint the sigil up the wall.

Zachariah stepped into the room furious, "Castiel! Would you mind explaining what the hell you're doing?"

Castiel looked Zachariah and smiled smugly. He raised his bloody hand to the sigil and completed the spell. Zachariah disappeared in a burst of white light.

"He won't be gone long." Castiel said. He turned to Dean. "We have to find Sam now."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know." Castiel said honestly. "I know who does. We have to stop him Dean. From killing Lilith."

"But Lilith is gonna break the final seal…" Dean said perplexed.

"Lilith _is _the final scene." Castiel said hurriedly. "She dies, the end begins."

Realization dawned on Dean's horrified face as Castiel grabbed him. They flew down to earth and landed firmly in Chuck Shirley's house. Chuck hesitated but handed the last chapter to Dean. Taking the information, Castiel sent Dean to stop Sam at Saint Mary's Convent. Chuck leaned against the kitchen counter and took a deep breath as Dean disappeared.

Chuck looked at Castiel. "What are you crazy? It can't happen like this!"

Castiel sighed. "Sometimes, you have to write your own destiny."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Archie woke up with a start. He could hear Chuck downstairs talking to someone else. He yawned.

"Good morning." Zach said from the door way of Archie's bedroom.

"Holy shit!" Archie pulled the covers over himself. He was only wearing black cotton pajama pants. "Do not sneak up on me!"

Zach glared at him. "Archie, I'm hear on official business. As you know, I am your superior. Show me some respect."

Archie stood up toe to toe with him. "Yes. Sir." he hissed.

Zach grinned. "That's the spirit. Down stairs your charge is in danger. Go eliminate the other person in this house."

Archie rolled his eyes and reached for his short sleeve green tee shirt. "Whatever."

Zach slapped Archie with his back hand. "Don't 'whatever' me, boy. You will do this. Or I'll personally rip your wings off."

Archie rubbed his jaw and starred at Zach. "If you'll excuse me, Sir. I've got some smite-ing to do."

Zach moved aside and watched to make sure Archie was headed downstairs before he fluttered away.

o-o-o-o-o-o

"Chuck, tell me," Castiel looked up at him, "Do you think … Have you seen?"

Chuck shook his head. "Cas, I can't tell you, you know that. Besides I haven't seen anything yet."

"CASTIEL?" Archie yelled as he walked into the room. He held his sword with a loose grip.

"Archie!" Castiel smiled. "It's good to see you-"

Archie shook his head. He frowned, and said softly, "No."

"What?" Castiel stepped forward.

"I've come to smite you." Archie said seriously as he gestured to his sword. "I… He's my charge-" He pointed at Chuck, "and I have to protect him from threats. Zach says."

Castiel pulled his sword out of his trench coat. "I see."

With a yell, Archie lunged forward swinging his weapon. The vicious intensity caught Castiel off guard as the blade sunk into his shoulder. He pulled back and swung his sword, slashing Archie's leg.

They clashed their steel weapons with raw power. Castiel realized as he pivoted and swung, that this wasn't training anymore. He couldn't afford to go easy on Archie this time.

Chuck edged closer to them. "Guys, guys, break it-"

Archie held out his hand and sent the prophet flying backwards. Chuck landed in an ungraceful heap. He groaned and remained motionless. Archie turned back to Castiel and waved his hand.

Despite Castiel's concentration the weapon flew from his hand. Castiel cursed himself for not thinking of that earlier. Archie dropped his own sword and used his fists to punch Castiel. Castiel easily blocked the blows.

His attention missed Archie's kick to his side however, that made him fall to his knees. Castiel groaned as he fell.

"I'm sorry." Archie lowered his eyes. "But I've got my job to do."

He reached out and grabbed Castiel's shoulder. Archie squeezed tightly, feeling blood seep between his fingers as power pulsed between the connection.

Chuck shakily stood up. He ran towards them yelling at Archie to stop, begging him, "No! Archie! NO!"

Castiel's eyes opened wide in surprise as power surged in to his veins. He could feel his every vein catch on fire, every cell explode, as Archie did his work. He screamed in agony before his body burst into a thousand pieces.

Archie yelled and fell. He was covered in blood and bits of Jimmy Novack. He cradled his hand and sobbed, each of his five fingers was savagely burned.

Chuck looked at him horrified. "How dare you."

"I had orders." Archie said weakly. "I had to my damn job."

Tears were streaming down his cheek as Chuck yelled at him. "Your job is to protect me! Castiel was a hero!"

Chuck brought a fist down to strike Archie, but the angel fled in that instant.

**.:To Be Continued:. **


	19. The Best Intentions

**Conclusion: Iridescent**

"Pretty sweet huh?" Archie said as entered the room. He used the back of his sleeve to wipe blood off his face.

Castiel was sitting in the old movie theatre chair shaking slightly as a slight tremor coursed through his body. He was in shock, it was unreal. And yet, in a way, he felt better than he had in a long time. He felt free. "Yeah…that was intense."

Archie plopped down next to him and looked up at the old Charlie Chaplin reel playing on the screen. He handed Castiel some popcorn. "Well, I learned from the best."

Castiel looked up at the screen. "Archie… the others…Eliza, Eric, Charlie, Aretha and Josh…"

He sighed. "What?" Archie looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"There's been a …" Castiel put his hand on his forehead and rubbed small circles on his temple. "Mayhem. Murder."

"Magic?" Archie asked sincerely.

"Of a sort." Castiel sighed. He pushed the popcorn aside and stood up. "Let's go catch up with our fellow angels."

Archie stood up. "Alright, but first let's get you cleaned up."

Castiel looked down at his blood spattered frame. He shrugged. "I guess so. Next time don't hit so hard okay? My shoulder hurts like a bitch."

Archie laughed. "Yeah well, I had to make it look real, right?"

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Let's go. I'm worried."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

In the abandoned ransacked warehouse, the tattered remains of C.I.A. regrouped.

Anna glared at Charlie and Josh. "He did WHAT?"

"Castiel." Charlie repeated slowly. "Rebelled. We're working to stop the apocalypse."

"We're talking about the same guy right?" Anna looked at the serious eyes that surrounded her.

Eliza huffed. "Look, if you don't believe us- _fine. _But we just saved your ass, could you be a little bit more grateful?"

Anna laughed. "Oh, yeah, I'm grateful. Now if you kids are done playing-"

"Anna." Castiel burst into the room. "Don't be so condescending. We need all the help we can get, and I thought you'd want to join our club. After all, we're all outcasts now."

Anna looked at Castiel. "I tripped at a party, but-"

"But you don't want the apocalypse, either." Aretha added softly.

Anna nodded. "Alright. Fine. Does anyone know where the last seal goes down?"

"And does anyone know where Eric is?" Castiel added looking at them.

"He…" Eliza's voice became quite. "Zachariah ordered him outside to be…"

The doors swung open and Eric entered the room, followed by two other angels with a wide grin on his face. "Eric reporting for duty," he yelled, "and I've brought recruits!"

"I'm Jarret." The taller one waved. He pointed to his friend. "And this is Ken."

Josh waved. "Welcome to CIA, Team awesome."

Anna didn't argue.

"I'm glad you guys all here." Castiel smiled. "I knew you guys were the best. We've got to go to Saint Mary's covenant"

Anna looked at him. "You sure?"

Castiel glared at her. "Never been so sure in my life."

Eric nodded. "Let's go."

They headed out toMaryland.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ruby watched Sam drink the last of the blood from the captured demon. Sam wiped blood from his lips and looked down at the dead nurse disgustedly. He slammed the truck shut as Ruby smiled. "C'mon Champ," She said playfully, "Let's get in there and stop the apocalypse."

Sam nodded. His rage had been boiling for a year, and for a moment he wondered if he'd been blinded for it. Sam shrugged his hesitation away and told himself he was seeing clearer than he had in a long time. Sam marched towards the chapel. Eric, the faster flier in the group, landed first nearly out of breath as he stood a few feet from Sam. He called out, "Sam wait!"

Sam turned around quickly to see Eric. "You," Sam half smiled, "I recognize you from the warehouse with Luther…"

Ruby snarled. "Sam." She snapped. "Why are you talking to him? We have to go!"

"No wait!" Eric held out his hand. "It's about the last seal!"

Three demons that had taken the back exit to the church, snuck behind Eric. Two grabbed his arms and held him back as a third hissed, "Hey there pretty boy…"

Sam raised his arm, but Ruby caught him. "Sam, you head inside the church." She looked at him pleadingly. "We don't have much time, just go. I'll take care of him."

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

I wish I could paint a picture of their bravery. They did try to fight their way through the old church, but there were higher powers at work. Simply put, the apocalypse began the moment Lilith died in a white glow. They had tried to fight their way in, but to no avail.

There was a horrifyingly bright fire that burst free from the last seal. Heat radiated from the orifice as Lucifer clawed his way from the cage. Everything alive within reach wilted. Every drop of joy became burned. The angels were forced away from the scene, blood stained, and battle weary.

There was a glow as CIA ascended. Together, they landed in their old garrison. They didn't have a prayer, and they didn't believe in faith much more. The system they'd been trained on was broken. They had been called inept, idiots, insouciant, insignificant, inadequate and worse. These names fit them well, but only because they had been gullible enough to play along for so long. Regardless, there was a reason they were each in C.I.A. At one point in time or another, they'd been rebels. They knew it was time they embraced what made them unique.

Zachariah said they didn't belong to heaven anymore. With a glance at each other they agreed and decided that if that's how he felt, then they weren't a garrison anymore- under anyone else's wings.

That was fine with them. They could be Hell's angels now, if that's all there was.

Lucifer was walking on Earth, staining the ground with his sulfur laden footsteps. For better or for worse, the apocalypse had begun. It was a matter of damage control now, and if they wanted to control the blood shed the apocalypse would have to end quickly.

Eric looked up at the bloody sunrise with a grim smile. His left wing was twisted, broken. It would never again regain the same luster it once did. Both his wings were slowly turning a dark ashen gray. He beckoned his team forward.

Castiel's incredible angels took flight.

"C'mon guys," he said in a gravely voice as they soared among the clouds, "We've got work to do."

**_The End_**

**_Thank you for your patience. _**


End file.
